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| The other thing that keeps us alive |
A friend of mine once told me, "there is a pork chop in every beer." And everyone has heard "Eating is Cheating," but the front row needs its food to survive. Don't forget about the ruggers in the Andes. Rugby players eat their dead is a nice bumpersticker or tshirt, but it is also reality. Remember the movie Alive.....well the Picture on the left is the team on the flight. For some reason the movie made them into soccer players, but facts are facts and they played rugby. FOOD and Alcohol: Why is it that whenever we walk into a 7/11 (WaWa for you brethren in the Philly area) in a store stocked with thousands of good tasting products, we find ourselves buying either dried up cow epidermis or fried pork skin. Jerky allowed our frontiers men survive for months on the trail, but what is it about alcohol that causes to relive our ancestors life with Slim Jims. And what possesses us to eat hot dogs after they have been on the rolling pins of hell for 15 hours. One night I was forgotten at the bar by my team. I walked out of Magoo's (in Billings, MT) with a pitcher of beer and $3 to my name. I wandered aimlessly (somehow in the right direction) until I reached some generic 7/11 (Suzee's Quickie Mart and Pump). I startled the pimply faced kid at the register, who was not prepared to see a drunk prop at 3 AM carrying an empty beer pitcher and wearing a big blue grand poobah hat. He agreed to sell me 8 hot dogs (he was just about to toss them in the trash) for $2. I walked the remaining 2 miles to the pitch and slept under a picnic bench until my team arrived the next day. If it were not for the beer, 8 hot dogs, and the big blue poobah hat, I surely would have died that night. | |||||||||||||||||
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The food look for the month of January is the Clubfoot sandwich made by
The Staggering Ox. This sandwich
rocks. The patented bread is baked in a soup can and is hollowed out so it
looks like a bread cup. It is then filled wth cheese, meat, and veggies til
it is exploding out the top. They have several creative sandwich names that
are filled with equally creative sauces and stuff. The "Slam Damn Saddam" is
their version of the Gyro. "Created during the Gulf War (we made the A.P. wire) and now known as
Up O.P.E.C.TM, we decided to change its name back to the original, Slam
Damn Saddam.TM We'll no doubt change it back as soon as we find a
cure for that occasional flare up of hemorrhoidal tissue. Hopefully the
problem will be rectumfied before we're all gassed." Other Sandwiches include the Nuke (Ham, Turkey, Roast Beef, Swiss, Provolone, Sharp Cheddar, Lettuce
& Sauce), Mt St. Helens (Ham, Turkey, Roast Beef, Pepperoni, Turkey Pastrami, Swiss,
Provolone, Sharp Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Mozzarella, Onions, Green Peppers, Mushrooms, Black Olives, Sunflower Seeds, Lettuce &
Sauce), The Three Mile Island (Ham, Turkey, Roast Beef, Pepperoni, Swiss, Provolone, Sharp
Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Mushrooms, Onions, Green Peppers, Sunflower Seeds, Lettuce & Sauce), and the Clinton shuffle (Chicken Breast, Ham, Swiss, Guacamole, Tomato, Onions, Lettuce &
Sauce) to name a few. The sandwich sauces: Ranch, Italian, horsey Radish, and something called Camel spit. All very good. They also have a great veggie line. I remember growing up in Helena, I would eat the Montana Rail Link for lunch during lent. A bowl of potatoes, covered in 3 veggies and 2 cheeses. Quite good. You can also add meats, chili almost anything. All in all, great food at the Staggering Ox. If you go to Maggotfest this year in Missoula, MT, be sure to stop by the Ox. In your Maggotfest program, the Ox usually gives you a coupon for some dough off the sandwich, making it definitely worth it. | Food Review | |||||||||||||||||
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| Restaurant Review |
While in Missoula, check out another establishment. Realizing this is the food page, I had to eat something while I was at this location to keep it on the food page. The location: The Rhino in Missoula, MT. The food: Potato Chips. They were great. Now on with the write up. I love Rhinos. I have loved Rhinos since my first maggotfest visit. I drowned my sorrows with a lesbian rugger at the bar their in 1996. I lost my teams beer tickets for the tournament and had not told a soul yet. There I sat, paying for drinks from one of my teammates piles of money....he was not paying attention, and I drank and drank. I was joined by a female rugger who was looking for some free shots (and that was all!) and my mate's pile was equally generous to her. The next year it was here that I broke up a fight between 2 ruggers. Seems they started pushing each other around and I grabbed them both around the necks and said "Guys, we don't want to fight, we want to hug...." then forcing them to hug each other. My teammates nicknamed by the ambassador of love from then on and the bartender fed me drinks all night on the house. Amazing place. Well recently, I visited this bar with a good buddy of mine from High School. Ah, there was the famous ATM that Bad Boy Bubby body checked that girl into. Yes, there is the table I sat at with my old mates from the Helena All Blues Rugby club. And yes, there was the same bald bartender...the one that hooked me up so many year prior. His name is Chad. Just think of Florida and you won't forget him. So anyways, I ordered up a Newcastle Brown Ale and was quickly approached by a couple guys from the U of M Jesters RFC. I chatted with them a bit and wandered back over to my buddy who was now with several of his coworkers. I was introduced and we drank some more. After a couple of shots and a couple of pints, I read a sign on the wall. Turned out if you drank on pint of each beer on draft (all 50) you would receive a t-shirt. I decided that I would start my journey of drinking that night and hopefully have all 50 finished by the last day in Maggotfest. So I started. The mixing of brews was interesting at first, but then slowly became a blah of Hoppy Ales or speciality fruity beers. While the names were all quite good "yellow snow Ale" and "Salmon Slayer Stout" the truth was, I was starting to get obliterated. My friend had left around 11 pm to get something to eat. I should have know when he wrote his phone number and address on my hand he wasn't coming back, but I let him walk out and I sat at the bar, chatting with the lovely female bartender from NH (I think her name was Maggy.) I started chatting with this guy who was throwing himself on every girl in the bar. He would talk to them for a while and then would come back....swearing to himself. He was desperate to find a girl to go home with. His buddy was very relaxed. He just sat back at the bar and we joked around. I started to get the feeling he was gay (he kept saying that Chad, the bartender, had a cute ass) so I finally asked and he confirmed the details. I quickly made a point to explain that I liked chicks, which he had already figured out. So the three of us sat there drinking beer; one looking at Chad's ass, one looking at every girl in the bar, and myself trying desperately to finish every beer I could by 2 AM. Well 2 AM finally arrived and they ordered us out of the bar. I was in a bit of trouble considering I had no money, no idea where this guy lived, and no way to his house. Just then 4 girls walked in and asked for a drink. The bartender quickly shot out "6 pack to go or a shot?" Amazing.....six pack to go at 2 am. What a state. Anyways, they got the shots and chatted with me for a while. I asked if they knew where (and I showed them my hand) was to which they laughed and giggled and flirted, but in the end, they abandon me on the streets of Missoula. Just then, the guy that had thrown himself at every girl in the bar, agreed to give me a ride. As we walked to his car, he asked where and then regretted offering the ride. He was a bit outside of town. Well the dude dropped me off and I entered my buddies' house, shot him some shit and flipped on the TV and watched American Pie. I woke up feeling like a $100...that had been flushed down the toilet and quickly looked at my draft card to see how many beers I had finished. Seventeen beers done, 33 to go. Then I looked at my credit car Receipt. $30. Seventeen beers for $30. Amazing. Oh and the chips...they were 50 cents. Make sure you stop by the Rhino when in Missoula and witness for yourself the great beers on tap and don't forget the great chips. | |||||||||||||||||
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