And the happy recruiting trip that followed!
Photo courtesy of Photographer
Stephen "Sketchy" Boitano
And the happy recruiting trip that followed!
Photo courtesy of Photographer
Stephen "Sketchy" Boitano
| The Game
Not much can be said. We looked at this weekend as an off week. The rugby was a formality. We were going to get to the next column. The "Other" Game. Descriptive of the game: It was Mother F'en Cold. We won. Not much more left to say. |
| The "Other" Game
Our contact, Idiot Brother Andy Haines had promised that "[they would] have plenty of beer and nubile young college women to keep [us] warm." To this, my loyal back, MJ, replied, "In Superbitch's spirit: The first def'n kind of scares me, but the second, well 'I hope I score. Oh boy. Oh boy!'" So were we entering this expecting more than we should have? Well 11 of us checked into the Nittany Lion Inn (where the parents stay). It is nice. There is carpet and stuff. And there were 11 of us in one hotel room. Amazing. I noticed a couple of rooms when I walked in. One had wine and food the other had more food and ladies chilling and chatting. Must be some type of reception. So I meandered in and grabbed some crackers and cheese and meandered out again. No worries. I returned to our barracks where I found the 10 guys waiting in line to take a shower....I was fortunate, I called 2nd shower and was dressed and ready to go out. Now I would just have to wait til the boys were done. I causually remarked that their was a hospitality suite down the hall with wine and crackers, to which Danny P (possible future Idiot) and MJ went running. We were all quite hungry at that point. They returned and told me that it was not a "hospitality" suite but a private room. Oh well, I figured, worth a try. Danny disagreed and soon we found him on the phone with their room. "Yes, this is the front desk. We have a question regarding your bill. Could you please come out to the lobby and discuss this matter with us." Then they sprinted down to the room to find that their ploy, while well thought out, failed and the ladies remained. It was time to go. Don, a prop for the Happy Valley Side was hosting
a Sorority party that night. We asked the front desk to arrange for
a hotel shuttle to drive us to the party and made a quick stop at McDonalds
on the way. We arrived at the party and Harry,
Idiot Brother of the Year 2000 approaches the first girls he sees and asks
them "do you go to school around here?" Three areas of combat: Kitchen/Keg room. Numerous fly by attempts and straifing fire at nubile College Chicks (NCC). Made some crucial aquaintances for future hook up possibilities. Ladies can see kilt for the first time. Second room: Living room. Back Street Boys play on the CD, 100s of girls meander around a handful of guys. PAC boys engaging several NCCs without fear. Final room (where I spent most of the night and because I did, lost my only real opportunity.) Beer Pong Room. JC and I lost the first match we played of the day. But I did not lose the rest of the night. I was in a zone. First I was with Hazmat for 3 rounds. Beating each group of girls that appeared in front of us. We left the table to mingle a bit and then I started meeting the ladies. I talked to this one group of girls for a very long time and at one point gave 2 of the 3 standing with me a "Jesse forehead kiss." The 3rd, a cute little blonde, said, "You kissed both of them but not me." I replied, "I would like to kiss you other places other than your head." She cooed. She asked if I would get her a beer and I went to the kitchen where I met Monique, another cute NCC. She challenged me to a pong match and who was I to refuse. But then I looked at the other cute girls empty beer glass in front of me. What to do, what to do. I told Monique to meet me in the pong room and I navigated back to where the cute girl was. When I returned, she was not there, so I preceded to the pong room and played pong with my cute partner "Unique Monique" amazing what creative nicknames you can give someone when you start drinking at 9 AM on the the 4 hour drive to A game. Yes, we drank on the way.....along with hitting every conveninence store looking for smut. MJ finally declared that he would not stop any longer unless it actually said Adult Bookstore. Well, ask and you shall receive. Porn Emporium on the right someone yelled. MJ slammed on the breaks, spun into the parking lot where we ran in and bought stuff (Sasha the sex doll was only $40.) Numerous copies of Young and Tight and Young and hot were distributed around the van and we continued our drive, arriving 5 minutes before the match. But I regress, let me return to Monique. Monique was a small cute girl. The cute girl from before was a cute blonde as well, but I do not believe as cute. Well one thing led to another and we dethrowned the Champions in an amazing 1 round. I shot, made it. Monique Shot made it. We got our balls back, I shot made it, she shot made it got our balls back and then ended it with another pair of splash downs to which the girl champions were just in shock over. We gave them another match for good effort, and while it wasn't as nice, some nice called shots on both our behalves, still won the game and brought of the cocky boys from PSU. These guys talked more smack than anything and we
quickly jumped out to a 3 cup lead. But before the game started, I almost
forgot about my disaster of the night, I went to get beer. While in line I convinced 2 young ladies to "experiment"
so they kissed, much to the enjoyment of the rest of the crew. I returned to Monique who really did not seem interested,
but at that point, I really didn't seem to care. I walked away, a
bit disappointed about the other girl, but ready to win at Pong. So...we
are up by 3......they tie it,. we go up, they tie, finally one on one.
I sink a fantastic shot mocking them. I do a the Christain Laetner catch
it at the 3 point line, turn and shoot to win. And it goes in.
The Juvenile crowd erupts. They start chanting MONTANA MONTANA MONTANA
MONTANA. They come back and splash theirs to stay in competition.
I miss, but Monique splashes, they follow up with one splash. Finally
I splash and so does monique...they miss both and we win. We hug, I molest, and then the news arrives.
THERE IS NO MORE BEER. This momentus occassion is done? say it isn't
so. The girls all leave, except Monique who wants to steal my film The room was loud with drunken chatter and then loud
snoring as 9 members of our group slept the night away. Two of our
boys, claim they hooked up with girls at other locations, however, there was
really only one guy that any of us believed and he was sleeping next to Harry
that night. Da Boys had fun, but as usual, only one of our soldiers
took any prisoners. After Knoxville what could be expected. I
have been told this time she wasn't homeless however and I also heard that
she had all her teeth and there were no dead teeth. Good trip.
Photo courtesy of Photographer Stephen "Sketchy" Boitano
|
Considering we were on campus, it struck my funny bone and
we all shared a good laugh. The rest of the night filtered through like
this: 
I am about to fill up with beer when JC says to me,
"MT that cute blonde is looking for you." Then Longshanks walks up
and says the same thing. Oooops, forgot about her, so Longshanks
walks me to her. She stands up and says goodbye and follows up with
"why don't you go back to your ladies in the beer pong room and have more
fun with them. Oh well, I was more in this for the beer than anything
else. Guess that is why they call me an Idiot Brother.
Her friend stands talking to MJ and the rest of us when Harry walks
up (who has been saying since midnight.) "Guys, I think it is time to
go now. I gotta get outta here. Guys, lets get going. I
need to leave now." So Harry approaches these girls, says some jibberish
and drops pants and farts within inches of these girls. They flee.