And the Flathead Moose RFC
| I met Hoss, IB #3, at the Billings Bulls April Fools tourney in 1994.
We needed a whore prop and he volunteered his time from his club (the Flathead
Moose RFC).
We won that game and everytime I have seen him since we have had a great time. On one such occasion, my club, the Helena All-Blues, traveled to Kalispel, MT to play the Moose. After a humiliating 46-0 loss, about 5 of the younger players stayed to drink with the Moose. We were just getting ready to leave when Hoss volunteered his girlfriend's house for us to stay at. They were conveniently out of town for the weekend. He sweetened the deal by mentioning a big fire pit in the back yard for barbqueing hot dogs later and a wet bar in the basement. Rob, John L, Lenny, and myself stayed that night and drank more than our share. Some of the guys decided they would smoke some....."cigarettes" and went into Hoss' girlfriend's room. After an hour we went back down to the team kegger at the pitch, and they had a large fire burning. Beer was still flowing and we all drank for a while. One of the Moose walked up to my Fullback Rob and asked him what happened to his eyebrows. Seems they were cinged....somehow. Then it became apparent and we all had a large hoot and holler about it. Very funny. We ended up going to the bar, Mooses, and drinking for a few more hours. We entertained Hoss' girlfriend and her friend Breeze (amazing the names people come up with). They left and we finished our beers. As we were leaving Lenny asked what the deal with the French Horn was (it hung on the wooden pillar near the bar.) It was explained that no one had blown that thing in years and if you do make a noise when you attempt, you can win a free bar tab. Always the fiscally conservative ruggers we were (we were in college.) When Len tried to blow it, white flour was blown directly into his face out of the opposite end of the horn (which conviently was pointing toward his face.) Everyone laughed. Len threw up. He wasn't the only one that had too much to drink as we would soon find out. We stopped at a grocery store about 2 AM to buy some more beer. I had just enough money for hot dogs and paid for my food supplies. Hoss stood with a confused look on his face with 2 cases of Budweiser on the counter. The lady totaled the amount at $16 and I walked off wondering if he was about to try making a run for it. I got into the car and turned around to spot Hoss making a mad dash for our car with 3 police officers in hot pursuit. It turns out good ol' Hoss, responding to the ladies request for $16, told her to "Charge it on this" as he whipped out his penis and laid it on the counter. It just so happened that the three officers, who were standing right behind him in line, didn't even notice until a women in another line screamed. (His clerk thought it was funny.) We got back to Hoss' girlfriends and explained the situation. She decided to start the fire pit anyways and we cooked dogs over the fire. Between feeding Breeze (a Vegen) and their weiner dog (a cannibal?) 5 hot dogs, and Rob and I eating the other 5, we headed to bed. I woke up the next morning to the phone ringing. I answered it in a sleepy stupor and it was Hoss. He asked, "Did I really do what they say I did." Since we didn't know for sure why he was arrested, until he told us, we couldn't confirm or deny the story. It was later confirmed by one of his teammates also in the store. Funny it wasn't with a fine and jail time exceeding $200. That was the
least of his worries. When his club found out, they held a special session
of the Kangaroo Court in which they ordered him to "Not have another beer
for 6 Weeks." I still see that big guy and wonder, how would she have ran
it through the credit card machine?
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