THE FOUR WHORSmen



TC, Aussie Paul, Montana, and Tommy return to Ottawa
6th time is a charm
Barrack Ranger RFC and TC, MT, Aussie Paul, and Tommy

It all started with TC, Harry, Fokker, and Aussie Paul convincing me to return to Ottawa.  We would not be bringing a team, just a bunch of guys to get drunk.  I agreed.  Fokker and Harry soon bailed on the trip, which left Tommy, TC, and Ozzy to join me into Canada.

The plan was simple.  Ozzy and I would drive up Ozzy's rental.  Tommy would follow.  TC would drive up from NYC and meet us.  Ozzy had to stay in Canada for a week after the tourney, so we would ride with TC half way back, where we would get into Tommy's car that we left in front of a bar.  The Plan would work.

The road trip included many beers, Tommy purchasing a Turkey Fryar, my DJing in Ozzy Rental (a FORD F250 King Cab....it was huge!!), and finally random stories on the way up:

WE need cowboy hats.  Paul and I were wearing our cowboy hats, so we figured we needed to find one for Tommy and TC.  Surprisingly, we found no hat stores along the way.  We even stopped at a Amish store (hoping it was where the Amish purchased their stuff....but unforunately, it where the amish sold their goods.)  No hats.

All Kilted up:  We kilted up nicely and tried to catch up to Cooper. Cooper was attempting to get to Canada asap.  We were stopping every other mile to piss, buy beer, or find the damn cowboy hats.  We never caught up to him.

We did make the same mistake as the previous year, missing the I 283 Exit and continuing another 30 miles towards Philly.  We took an exit that would place us back on the right road....it was the road to Hershey PA.  Tommy called us from his car (he was still following at this point) and let us know we were officially on the Hershey Highway.  We chuckled.

We get to Ottawa and find the beer store, liqour store, grocery store, and Tiki Torch store.  We load up and head over to Twin Elm.  The tournament seemed a bit less chaotic without the USSR's shenaigans and we set up with the remenant of the East Coast Harlots.  Mostly girls from Philly, they all remember us from the previous year.  It doesn't take long for the 4 of us to be placed on the Barrack Ranger RFC team as whores.  They, unforatunately will be playing in the Competitive bracket (the only aviable opening), so we size up our team.  12 guys from the military base in NY.  6 had just returned from Iraq.  6 were on their way to Iraq.  They hadn't played together...well ever.  Add 3 front row players and a flanker.  We were surely going to be crushed by the power of the non social bracket.  We decide to party.

The ladies of the Harlots were great.  We chatted with them rugby and drinking.  A camp fire was started and Tommy quickly set up his Deep Fryar...and set up to fry a turkey.  The girls were amazed and everyone waited eagerly for the bird. 

Ozzy, TC, Tommy and I had agreed on a series of waggers.  IF no one won...then the kitty would be passed along to the next bet.  We were about $40 into the kitty when Friday's entertainment arrived at our tents.  New Zealand's Women's national team had played Scotland earlier in the evening and they wanted us to come and join the party at the bar.  We rarely make our entrance into the bar until well past 9 pm, however, we decided, this would be the next bet.  The first guy to hook up with an international would win the kitty.  We moved in.

As far as ladies were concerned, I hadn't really considered the girl aspect when I returned to Ottawa.  For me it was never about hooking up (because I was married for 3 of the Ottawas and too drunk the other times.  But one girl did catch my eye.  Collette was a cute girl from Philly.  We joked around a bit on our way into the party, but as usually happens we went our seperate ways.  I made attempts to flirt a couple more times during the night, however, again, nothing really came of it.

I did, however, start to make the moves on the Scottish 8 man (woman).  We were getting pretty close and tight in a corner, I could sense I was about to win my kitty, when TC slid between me and the girl and dazzled her with his drunkeness (he had consumed some of Blue's home made moonshine.)  He swears he blacked out.  Needless to say, the moment was lost and I went back to drinking. 

I ran into Collette a bit later and we were chatting, when one of the Barrack Rangers approached to remind me that we had a game the next day.  Collette mentions that she thought he was cute, and I assumed that meant she was not interested in me.  I grab the guy and introduce him to Collette and they wander off.  I stumble home with Tommy, who has left the party with two ladies.  One is a lesbian.  One is bisexual.  They both want Tommy.  TC and I stand by, hoping he will bring us along...however, it is not to happen.  We both sit disappointed for a while and then Tommy returns.  He said "it is weird." That is it.  Crawled into his tent and went to sleep. 

There were some flirting going on between Tommy and one of the other ladies earlier in the night, so I go to chat with her......and about this time, Ozzy Paul stumbles from her tent.  I chat with her about the various characters on the trip and she informs me that one of her girls really likes me.  I mention that I like one of her girls and confess that I like Collette.  Bing......she tells me that is who likes me.  I feel like an idiot for setting her up with the Ranger.  I crawl into my tent, hearing the sounds of sex all around.

The next day we play rugby.  The day goes well.  I don't feel too badly.  One of the girl's boyfriends has joined our team.  6'6" 300 pounds.  He had spent some time as a pro wrestler before becoming a teacher.  He had never played rugby before and I let him second row for me.  He did a great job.  We lose a close match to Ottawa Beavers.  I get into some scraps with their fly half and have to be held back by the Rangers.  We lose the match, as I said, and I start drinking again.  Tommy is a mess.  Ozzy is doing well. 

I sit out the next match, but am forced to come in for the 2nd half of the final match against Ottawa Indians.  I enter the scrum and the guys all say, "Montana, you smell like a brewery."  My reply, "yeah....hey you guys notice how hot our referree is?"  They laugh.  The ref, a female, asks me to stop talking.  I flirt with her a bit more, but we still lose another close match.  The games are over for us.  Now it is time to really party. 

We return to the beer store to get food and beer.  We return and prepare for Kangaroo Court. 

An interesting format starts.  Both Rangers and the Harlots will share a court.  Ozzy will be the judge.  I will prosecute against the men.  I will defend the women.  Lindy will prosecute against the women and defend the men.  Minor charges are brought up against everyone.  Great defenses are given by both Lindy and myself.  In my collection of evidence, I had asked the guy that had hooked up with Collette, if he had any dirt on any of his players.  He gave me some good stuff.  During further questioning he had told me that he lived in Texas in his parents country club home.  He said he would pick up lots of rich girls, because he "Could have any girl he wanted."  BING.  I now had a charge against him.......

When my charge was brought up about being a "Player."  The defense called Collette up as a witness.  She did not do anything to defend him and he went down with a penalty of chugging numerous beers.  Soon the court was apparently over and we all broke up to party more.  I made my way over to Collette and we started hanging out.  The guy was pretty upset about his charge and the fact that Collette no longer seemed interested in him.  I felt bad that I had used the power of court to cock block, but in the end, kill or be killed.  Collette and I hung out that night and enjoyed the weekend in Canada.

The next day we packed our things and headed home.  I took Collette's information and we planned on meeting up in Saranac in one month.  At the Duty free we purchased beer and Malibu Rum.  No one felt like drinking so I preceded to get wasted.  By the time Cooper dropped us off at Tommy's car, I was ready to pass out.  My next memory was waking up in front of my house 5 hours later.  The best part of a road trip home, is sleeping the entire trip through it. 

Great trip......I am seriously considering returning to Ottawa in 06, but need to check on the other adventures first.