Len played football with me the previous year. While he was a freshmen I was a junior.
        He quit football and never came back. I didn't notice. He was one of a dozen running
        backs and I really didn't ever get to know the rookies on offense. He was fond of
        controlled substances and was a pretty good flanker in rugby. I convinced him to play,
        the same time I convinced the others. 
 

        John was a skinny kid that I did know from football. He was the same year as Len and
        we shared one season (his freshmen) playing grid iron. He chose not to return for a
        second year. In rugby, he was a good second row. He was a good jumper and good
        pusher. In the social atmosphere, he was an above average drunk. He would drink the
        brown liquor and either cause self inflicted wounds (one time he stapled his arm with a
        stapler 3 times) or he would just decide he had enough of a party and start to walk
        home...which turned out not to be a good idea one time on an out of town game. 
 

        Rob, my full back was an above average soccer player. He played for West Point during
        his 2 week stint at the academy, but left the school for personal reasons to attend Carroll
        College, a power house in soccer....I mean....a school that didn't even have soccer. So to
        fill his time, he joined rugby with his roommate John and their buddy Len. Rob and I
        would end up sharing more memories than the others, but as a quintet we were a
        powerful foursome on tour.
 
 

        Maggotfest: Cherry Poppin Good Time
 

        We traveled as we always do, in John's 1972 Station Wagon. It was about a 2 hour drive
        from Helena to Missoula. We drew the first match of the day, 8 AM. I had always hated
        the maggots, but this just reinforced my hatred. It was my 3rd season with the Helena All
        Blues. I had sat out the last few weeks in the fall with a busted shoulder and had lost my
        fitness and gained back my weight that I had lost during the summer of 93. It was now
        Spring of 94 and I was fat and out of shape. We were merging with the Butte Crabs
        because neither of us could fill an entire side. I was playing prop in the front row with A
        Blues hooker and a Crab Prop. 
 

        Before the match, the maggots came out and apologized for giving us such and early
        game and popped some bottles of champagne. Both teams (Ketchum RFC from Idaho)
        joined together for some champagne toasts and we cheered each other. We played rugby.
        We lost and went to the sidelines. 
 

        Being young, the hangovers didn't hit right away, but by the time our match had finished,
        we felt the aftershocks of a heavy night in Helena the night before. Rob was still only 20
        years old and the only bar he could get into was Ye Ole Pub (our clubs bar). So we
        always drank there. We waited for our final match to be played somewhere around noon
        (nice part about playing first, you are the first completely done. At Maggotfest, the teams
        play 2 matches on Saturday and one Sunday. Period. We played the Sun Valley RFC
        (again from Idaho) before noon and beat them handily. I broke my nose during a scrum
        and missed one of our best trys. But a win is a win.
 

        We then walked to the beer trucks. Hundreds of players were surrounding the wagons
        requesting free beer refills. The Maggots would traditionally go through 300 kegs a
        weekend and this was no exception. Rugby players were everywhere....blue jerseys,
        green jerseys, black jerseys...and then there were a bunch of guys wearing these big blue
        hats with white horns. They looked great....and I needed one. I had found a foam
        Bailey's Irish Crème Top hat from St. Patrick's Day in my car and was wearing it and
        decided to use it as trading material. One of these blue hatted guys wasn't wearing his, but
        had it tucked into his waste on his shorts. I walked up to this crazed individual near the
        beer wagon and asked where I could get a fantastic hat like the one on his head. "Can't
        Do it Mate. These are the team Hats for the Red Deer Titans Rugby Club. TITS--Titans
        International Touring Side." We then asked him why he had a bucket and hammer.
 

        This guy, wearing a blue hat, candy necklace, shaved bald, carrying a bucket and a
        hammer stood in front of me with a grin from ear to ear. He told a story so bizarre that it
        won our hearts over. I looked in amazement at all the brothers drinking beer, chatting,
        telling stories and couldn't stop from smiling. Our new friend, Greg, explained that he was
        the first guy to puke on the bus trip down from Red Deer, Alberta. He showed us some
        trick he did with his t-shirt (something about daughters that date Red Deer Titans aren't
        Titan anymore.) He also explained that he was the first guy on tour to get laid and that is
        why he had the hammer. He nailed some big Somoan girl that was attending the
        University of Montana. At least he thought she was Somoan. I then made another offer
        for his hat. "I do know someone that might trade you though. I will be right back with
        him." Two blue hatted men returned. He brought back this little Irish hooker who looked
        to be about 50 years old. . "I want your futtin hat," he said to me. "well I want your futtin
        hat," I replied. We agreed to trade hats later that night at the big Maggotfest Barn Party
        and we walked away. A couple guys we knew from Carroll had transferred to the U of M
        and we had arranged to stay with them in their dorm. We loaded the 4 of us up, along
        with the 2 guys we were staying with and a random rugby whore who wanted to know if
        we could take him to his hotel. We agreed and dropped off the other guys first so they
        could shower. 
 

        Steve, one of the guys we were staying with, and I gave the guy a ride to his hotel. Along
        the way he explained that he travels here every year for this tournament. He also kept
        talking about all the drugs he had back in his room and how he was gonna get a few
        chicks later and have a huge party. I didn't think about it at first, because a lot of old
        timers (30s) play rugby, but I started to notice that this guy was well into his 40s, if not
        50. We dropped him off at his hotel and he invited us in for a beer or whatever. For some
        reason we went in, maybe because we were curious, maybe because we wanted a beer,
        but for some reason we did enter. And we quickly left. He had a leather mask on his bed,
        candles on the bed stand and lots of drugs. I don't just mean pot, but pills, needles, white
        baggies: the works. He was serious about his high. He asked us if we wanted to partake in
        his tom foolery and we gripped the can of Bud Light he had just gave us and said no. We
        left and drove off in a very big hurry. We rejoined our friends at the college campus and
        drank some more beers. We then went cruising around campus and ended up in some
        dormitory to talk to someone. I saw this cute girl and introduced myself. I was still
        wearing the Baileys top hat. She said she knew who I was, which I thought was strange
        since I wasn't from Missoula. It turned out she went to my high school....and was in 9th
        Grade when I was a Sr. in High school. Len fell for her instantly and she seemed quite
        excited about him. 
 

        We had already received our hand stamps (proving you were 21) at the field and would
        not need to show ID any longer. Rob had borrowed one of the Crabs IDs earlier and
        would be fine all night. But now Len wanted to bring his new friend along and she was
        only 18. We stopped by a convenience store and bought some markers and started
        recreating the stamp on her hand. 
 

        We arrived at the party and it was in full swing. Beer was being spilled, thrown
        everywhere. Len and his new friend made it into the party and we all drank like men
        dying of thirst. We sang rugby songs, waited in line for beer and sang more songs. One of
        the COBRAs (City of Bozeman Rugby Assn) had a dildo and was smacking players in
        the face with it....another Canadian Guy had a dildo shaped like a fist, and it was about
        the size of a fist. He also was smacking people in the face with it. 
 

        I had fought off wave after wave of chick ruggers trying to steal my hat. Then, out of
        nowhere, the bald individual that set up the trade walked me over to my Irish barder mate
        and we traded hats. I ran off screaming and yelling like a 10 year old at Christmas, my
        Irish Mate, walked off being scolded by his Canadian mates, and as for the bald guy, I
        never saw him again....until Ottawa....for I would run into him again 4 years later across
        the continent. 

        When the party ended we loaded back up in the Wagon and drove back to the campus.
        Steve and his roommate knew some guys at the SAE house and we were all welcome to
        join the frat party. We arrived, all quite drunk and wet. I was wearing this huge blue hat
        with white horns. I later found out it was the Fraternal Lodge of the Waterbuffalo from
        the Flintstones. WE found beer in the frat house and continued to drink. The party
        cleared out after an hour or so when one of the guys drove his motorcycle into the house
        and spun out in the dining room. It was very Animal Housesque. I had started talking to
        this red head about rugby and where I was from. She started getting weird around 2 AM.
        Not like hot candle wax on the nipples weird, but like boiling bunny rabbits weird and
        started chasing me around the house. I told her I had a girlfriend, but it had no affect. She
        was possessed. Her friends had left her to find her own way back, as did mine. I walked
        out the door, thanking the SAE for a great time and asking for directions to Steve's dorm.
        They told me it was a long walk, but just to go straight. I walked and walked and soon
        noticed that the red head was in pursuit. She would hide behind rocks and signs so I
        wouldn't know. This was now starting to really scare me. I walked back to where she
        was hiding behind a tree and told her to quit following me. She made an eerie giggle and
        said she wasn't following. I told her to walk ahead of me then and she refused, so I
        started walking again. She followed again. I was getting very tired and was sore from
        rugby. She started talking to me about fish, babies and some type of quantum physics
        that I had recently seen on 20/20 days before, but this wasn't what I wanted to discuss
        with a loony red head in hot pursuit. I ran, she ran, and if you have ever seen me run...it
        wasn't hard for her to keep up. I finally got to the dormitory and tried to get in. I needed
        a key. I didn't have a key. I didn't know what room he was in either so I couldn't call. I
        waited and I waited for someone to walk out the door. No on did.
 

        The Red Death, that is what I called her, was sitting next to me on the steps, continuing
        her discussion on insect anatomy and the problems with TV sitcoms. I stared into space,
        believing this nightmare would end soon. Finally the door opened and someone asked if I
        forgot my key? I explained I was staying with a friend and I was going there to sleep. He
        agreed to let me in but questioned her involvement in the plan. I shook my head as if to
        say for him not to let her in...the virus...the bloody red virus. She smiled, batted her eyes
        and he fell into her sleepy trance. I walked away with Red Death in hot pursuit....she had
        somehow made it past him. I pounded on the door and was met by my buddies who all
        wanted to know if I hooked up with the Red head. I flipped on the light and screamed at
        them for leaving me with the Red Death. They laughed and pointed at her. She looked
        like she was about to cry. John felt sorry for her and started to comfort her. I told him to
        stay away, that she was evil, but he didn't listen. I fell asleep on a bed and was awakened
        by Steve screaming something. What was he saying? It was still dark....how long was I
        asleep? What is that other noise? What was happening? Concentrate, what is Steve
        saying?
 

        First I heard Red Death. "Can someone please take me home?" Silence. "Can someone
        please take me home?" Silence. "Can someone please take me home?" "SHUT UP, I
        want you to DIE!" Steve screamed. "Just Shut the Fuck up and die already." She
        continued, "Can someone please take me home?" Which was met with "DIE!" This went
        on until John pushed me out of bed and demanded I drive her to her house. So I got into
        the Station wagon (430 AM) and drove across Missoula. Neither of us were from
        Missoula (she was staying at her sisters.) So We drove around for a while til we found it.
        I finally kicked her out of the car and started driving back to campus. I hit the breaks, put
        the car in reverse and backed up....I threw an empty beer can at her and asked why her
        fucking sister couldn't have come and got her and then drove off. I never saw the Red
        Death again, and hopefully never will.
 

        I woke up the next day. It was rainy. We drove home around 1 pm. It was finals week
        and we need to get back to study. We stopped by McDonalds and counted our funds. We
        each had $2 left after filling up with gas. So we bought 4 McDonalds Kids Meals and
        drove back to Helena. Blues win again.