Oh what a weekend. With Jesse 2 (squared) out of town, the boys were on their own to tear it up in the small bay side town of Havre La Grace, MD. After beating North Bay in the sweltering 93 (33 Celsius) degree heat, Kiwi John and Ozzy (Aussie Paul) brought out the wicket and bat and we played about 30 minutes of cricket. On my first shot to hit the ball, Ozzy bean balled me and I charged the mound. The next time, he was right on. After I not only swung and miss, he also hit the wicket and knocked Hini can off.....OUT.

We drank much beer and found our way to the bar. I made a comment to the boys that we needed to fill up with gas before we left the bar. NOTED. We then wandered up to their rugby bar, a fine establishment with a swell staff of employees (as you will soon find out.) We drank much water and then much beer as we all spoke about our game.
Our team, PAC, found itself separated from their club playing a fine game of cup when they announced the Man of the match awards. We provided our man of the match award to Matt McBay, who not only ran tough, scored two trys, but made some fantastic tackles.....one in the last seconds of the game 80 meters across the field. We then honored our Zulu warrior (Sketchy....who became Sheisty) that night. Paul joined Sketchy in the ZULU.....Sketchy refused to strip by himself......pussy. After Paul's Zulu, everyone cleared the floor of the bar and then everyone started pouring beer across it. This was their challenge for the naked hooker toss. Since Dave, my loosey for the weekend, had already left, I used JC (our 8 man) who had recently been named Idiot brother #42. We grabbed Paul under his knees and by his elbows and started back and forth and tossed....pretty far distance, but we lost 2 throws out of 3 to the more experienced hooker tossers. Paul's hips could not have been feeling too well either after 3 crashes to the floor. We drank!!

We drank some more and decided it was time to eat. Brian had started to slip to the dark side about this point and getting him to leave the bar was almost impossible. Hazmat decided to get Auggie, Roche, and Jeff to get a move on and they took off back for DC. They ended up following us to this Crab and shrimp place, but they had no $$$ and they chose to leave. The group was then narrowed to Sheisty, his buddy Marcus (MoMo...new nickname), Bri Bri, Kiwi John, Ozzy, and myself (Montana/MT). We ordered 8 burgers, 24 crabs, and 3 pounds of shrimp. Cost.....$150. Not a bad outing in all reality HOWEVER, between Ozzy and Brian, I am amazed I have any sense left between my ears. Below is a small dialogue of the evening.

Mont. "Bri Bri, can we share some of your crabs, we will buy another dozen?" 

Bri. "Take the fucking things they are good.....FUCK the little bastards are fucking hot." 

Kiwi "Brian, watch your mouth...there are families all over." 

Bri. "For fuck sake these are fucking hot." 

Kiwi "Brian.....don't say fuck." 

Bri. "why the fuck not?" 

Kiwi "cause that 80 year old woman next you is cringing every time you do it. We won't be coming back here, but this restaurant needs the locals to return for their livelihood. So shut up." 

Ozzy "Brian, you should listen to Kiwi John, because he knows. Kiwi these guys need to see the Mud Crab back home. It is huge, at least 3 times as big as this. When I go home again, I am gonna have my dad cook me up some mud crabs and compare the 2. I will pound 3 beers in quick succession to get drunk enough and then compare." 

Mont "You have had a lot more than 3 beers Paul." 

Ozzy "That is why I will have them in quick succession. 

Mont "Okay, that makes sense. You know I don't even really like crabs, but these are really good. Brian, what is this funny looking thing, can I eat that?" 

Bri. "See fuck face, if you knew anything about eating crabs, you would know that that is the lung and you don't ever ever eat that. My grandfather taught me how to eat crabs and you never touch the lung?" 

Mont "why?" 

Bri "Cause it will suck. Look at this fucking mess. Crabs are so fucking
messy...bits and pieces of crab shell are fucking everywhere."
Kiwi "Brian, shut up...." 

Brian "what did I say?" 

Mont "you said fuck." 

Brian "AND?" 

Mont "we asked you not to use the F word anymore because of the families."
Brian "Really? When did you ask me that?" 

Mont "about 2 minutes ago." 

Brian "Guys.....HEY GUYS....I am sorry....I won't swear anymore...I didn't realize you were serious last time." 

Kiwi "thanks Brian." 

Ozzy "I tell you what, if you guys ever had mud crabs, you would think these
were ridiculous. I don't even like crabs, but these are good, but mud crabs, which I didn't like either, got to be better. I am gonna see if they will let me bring some back from Australia." 

Kiwi "They won't let you bring them back....hell a dog take 4 weeks quarantine." 

Brian "My dog died." 

Ozzy "In quarantine?" 

Brian "No in Philadelphia." 

Kiwi and Mont look at each other confused

Brian, "for fuck sake what a mess." 

Sketchy "This is the first crab I have ever eaten....taste like Pussy." 

Brian, "For Fuck sake, it does not taste like CUNT." 

Kiwi, "Brian, shut up." 

Ozzy "Brian you said you wouldn't say fuck any more. Fuck I miss those mud crabs though, my dad would cook em up really nice back home. When you guys go on tour we will start in Caines and then move down the coast, but while there, you can try the Mud Crabs. Very good. But I don't like crabs that much." 

MoMo: "Hey Paul, you swore, why can you swear and Brian can't?" 

Kiwi "Because he isn't yelling at everyone." 

Brian, "MoMo...you want some crab?" 

MoMo "no I am allergic to crab." 

Brian, "what the fuck does that mean?" 

Mont "Brian, you said you wouldn't swear anymore." 

Brian, "I am not swearing. Fucking look at this disgusting mess in front of me...pieces of crabs shell fucking everywhere." 

Mont. "Brian you were just swearing." 

Brian "what did I say?" 

Mont "you said fuck." 

Brian "AND?" 

Mont "we asked you not to use the F word anymore because of the families." 

Brian "Really? When did you ask me that?" 

Mont "about 2 minutes ago." 

Brian "Guys.....HEY GUYS....I am sorry....I won't swear anymore...I didn't
realize you were serious last time." 

Kiwi "thanks Brian." 

Ozzy "I tell you what, if you guys ever had mud crabs, you would think these were ridiculous. I don't even like crabs, but these are good, but mud crabs, which I didn't like either, got to be better. I am gonna see if they will let me bring some back from Australia."

Flash forward to leaving the restaurant. Hurricane has moved in. the streets are flash flooding...8 inches of rain are running down the streets. Sketchy runs up and jumps on me. I attempt to elbow him in the face. I hit something (turns out to be MoMo's face.) I do it again and connect with Sketchy. They both leave me alone, but MoMo I feel is now a very angry black man. We get to the car and KJ is driving. We have no gas and the Tornado Sirens have started to ring, warning that a funnel cloud has set down in the area. We don't have time to warm up the car so the pig wipes the windshield every 3 minutes. As we exit the interstate to get gas, Brian says, "take a right here at the corner and you can just drop me off at home."
We laugh.....he gets mad. "Brian, we are still in Aberdeen MD"
Oh he says. We continue. We fill up with gas, crack some beers and I have to listen to Paul and Brian babble on about everything.
Example:
Ozzy: "I tell you what, With a big Maori like Lomu, you gotta hit him hard right away in the game or he will run you over all day. 

Bri: "My cat's breathe smells like cat food." 

Ozzy: "This guy on the Australian team, Ben Tune, weighed all of 76 pounds, but he pan caked Lomu in his first tackle. By the end of the game, he was running backwards to avoid this Aussie." 

Kiwi {under his breath} "Fucking Australian's never shut up." 

Mont: "Music, we will listen to the truck driver song."
Kiwi turns up volume very high to avoid hearing them. 

A little while later when they quieted down.
Brian: "John I hate this team, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't play here" 

KJ: "I agree...you make it fun." 

MT "thanks guys." 

Ozzy "We got these things back home, cross between Ben Tune who killed Lomu and a mud crab....tasty things, but can wipe out any Maori."
A little while later.
So we arrive at the Bottom Line.....
Brian "hey, take a right here and you can drop me off at my house."
MT "Brian, we are at the Bottom Line."
Bri "For fuck sake, why aren't we taking BRIAN HOME. BRIAN IS DRUNK."
We find a parking spot and wander into the line, where Trauthy buys us all a shot. Nasty little alcoholic cherry 7 up things. We drank more and more and Ozzy met another women that swept him off his feet.
His best quote, whether he meant it or not: "I gotta call Daisy (name changed to protect Paul) tomorrow and end this. I am just gonna have to tell her that are too many women in DC that want my Australian cock."