Let me begin by explaining that these rants are simply a collection of
thoughts that pass through my head during any given week.
Inspired by one of the greatest authors ever, Bill Simmons from ESPN Page 2
fame, these reports will somewhat fill in the void between Odysseys,
tournaments, and anything else worthy of discussion.
These will be a week by week addition. Newest ramblings will
start at the top and chronologically decend down the page. Again,
remember, most of these will have little to do with rugby or anything
in general. These are just rants. Some will be brief
reports on a weekend. Others will be essays on anything from beer
to music to chicks. Enjoy.
December 5, 2006 Montana Married?
It has been a while readers. I apologize for the delay in
getting back to you. The football season took a turn for the
worse and just lost all desire to do anything but sit around the house
and curse the grid iron. But in an interesting twist, I decided
to elope with my girlfriend last month. It was a nice quiet
reception at our homestead. In attendance were Super Boy, MJ,
Fokker, The Handsomes (Pete and Jenn), the Kiwis (John and Karin),
Stefen, Dair, Chicken and Tommy. It was a wonderful time (got in
trouble already that night.....guess you are supposed to go to bed with
the bride when you get married, not stay up all night playing drinking
games with the guests.) In any case, Jackie is a great girl and I
look forward to many great years with her. Attached is a picture
of the Thomas' (John and Jackie.) Hoping to have a
lil Montana soon.
With that note, Stefan and Pete decided I should be included in their
lil Bachelor party. South Beach. Should be fun. Never
been to Florida. We are negotiating with West Palm Beach Rugby
club for a 2/10 match. Should be a spirited good time.
Not my usual rant. I will see if I get inspired sometime this
week. More soon ruggers.
September 29, 2006 READY FOR A ROAD
TRIP?
Good Day readers.It
has truly been a while.According to Big
Don of Battle Creek Rugby, it has been since early July.That has been a while. Sorry
for the delay in Writing. I have had several great thoughts pass between my ears of
late.Why is it we all have friends that
just happen to say the worst things and the completely wrong time.I have been recently enjoying the television
show “My Name is Earl.”One of the
episodes, Earl tells a completely inappropriate story about his buddy
at a
family get together.Scars his friend
for life.(Something about hooking up
with a prostitute that just happened to be a transvestite…..and the
story being
told in front of his grandparents and parents, etc.)We all have those friends.HELL, I
have been that friend. We had a buddy on our team in the late 90s that we called
Faldy.Brian was a short, chubby,
balding, Irish descendent from Philadelphia.He played Prop when I met him, then moved to
Center(#13) and back to prop once he gained weight again.I used to say the 13 meant he could play 1 or
3.Anyways, we called him Faldy – Fat and
Baldy.Wrong I know, but how many people
are still suffering the humiliating names they received when they first
started
playing rugby.Hell we have a guy we
subtitle Grenade Jumper because he loves ugly girls so much, he was
known to
pull the pin on his own grenade and jump on the ugly chick by himself.But those are part of rugby.Since Faldy was a close friend, he confided
in us that he really didn’t like the name and asked us not to use it in
front
of the other guys.We agreed. It was our road trip to Knoxville
and we decided to choose alias’ for the trip.Kiwi John would be called Fat Tony the rest of the trip (he was
neither
fat, nor Italian).I was Sue.Minnie Jesse was “that guy that betrayed
Jesus in “Jesus Christ Superstar”.......yeah….JUDAS”Well we were trying to come up with a name
for Donnelly and I said, “why don’t we call him ‘Faldy.’”I was the asshole for a few months after
that.Best name to come from that trip
was “Cum Knee.”Seems one of the guys
got a BJ from a local, IN THE VAN WITH EVERYONE THERE, as we were
driving to
the party.She spit up and whipped it on
the unsuspecting Tony seated to her right.The guy that received the BJ jumped out of the van at the next
light and
crawled into the other van.We were left
with this girl and a new name for Tony.Cum Knee.Stuck until he moved.Hell probably still called cum knee….the
worst names seem to follow you from team to team.Something
cosmic probably. Well, as I have matured, I have decided that we need to keep
stupid stories, names, and events from being told at the wrong time.Miller Lite has their commercials “Man Laws,”
I would like to propose a few Idiot Brother Laws.
First and foremost, keep the ugly
stories out of the wrong hands.
Never bring a
fellow idiot brother down for your benefit, financial or female.That is why we have 2nd rows and
fullbacks.
Never bring serious ruggers on social
rugby trips.When you tell them to take it
to the next level, they think you are referring to on the pitch.
Fat guys can call fat guys fat.If a skinny guy calls a fat guy fat, he gets a
fat lip.
Rounds and Tabs – while with the front
row, if you partake in a round of shots on someone else, you must buy a
round of shots in turn.If you share a tab
with members of the front row, do not try and pay an equal share when
you have been drinking $9 drinks and your mates have been sipping on
draft beers all night.Do not conveniently
disappear when it comes time to pay the tab.Of
course if you are sharing a tab with backs, feel free to run up their
tab.Hell, buy young ladies in the bar
drinks on their tab.(Sorry Elvis.)
Five Laws I would like to see enforcedBrothers,
let me know how you vote. As for my tardiness in rants, there is no excuse.Hell this rant started 2 weeks ago, and only
now is being finished.Maybe rugby is
back in my head.We recently have
decided to throw a rugby bachelor party for an idiot brother and
brother of the
idiots.Handsome Pete and Stefan have
been long members of the fraternal order and both are getting hitched
soon.Pete, and idiot brother for well
over 6 years, has shown his style, charisma, and passing out abilities
on every
major road trip we have had.Stefan, who
has ably been our driver for the past 6 years on every major road trip,
will
also share the lap dances, the rugby tries, and the 8 AM breakfast beers.(well maybe not the beers.) This will be the first tour for the idiots in quite a
while.There have been the mini
tours.Ottawa
05, Saranac 05 (Sorry boys…….I have an idea for the story), Finding
Heidi,
Maggotfest 06.But it is time for a big
one.One that we get the band all
together again.We will attempt to get
Fuse out.Bring back Jeff Collins.Chad Wick and Aussie Paul will be
invited.Maybe Kiwi John, who now plays
ice hockey with a South African, are on the ticket.This reunion of sorts should be a great
chance to share in some Tom Foolery that all of us have missed in the
past 4
years.
Be waiting for more information, but as for now,
we are
looking to be hosted by a small club in Florida (West Palm Springs
Rugby) and
hope to party down the South Beach.Personally I am looking forward to roller blading without my
shirt.Oh so hot.
Gentlemen…..start your engines.
July 5, 2006 Outer Banks, NC
<>Strange Rant my readers.I am off on vacation with my special lady friend and her family.Her family is nice.I
have met most of them at least once.But
this will be the first time I have spent
an entire week with them.What to
expect.For some reason I keep picturing
“Meet the Parents.”I am waiting to burn
down HHH... Chupah.She has two
brothers.I have met both.One is a professional surfer.Seemed
like a nice guy when I met him.Her other
brother is the very protective
brother.He once told my special lady
friend to bring me to a family gathering so we could play football and
he could
crush me.Quite funny.She tried to explain to him that I actually
played College Football, but he didn’t seem to mind.When I finally did meet him, it was for a
very short amount of time so no impression was really given either way.Nice enough guy.
I knew this trip would be interesting.It started with a pedicure.Yes, I got a pedicure.She wanted
my feet to look good for the
beach.Did I mention our trip was to the
Outerbanks (Carolina beach.)Anyways, it was ackward to say the
least.Again another movie
reference:Dumb and Dumber.Remember when Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carey) was
getting his pedicure and they had to break out the electric sander to
file down
his grotesque toe nails?Well I have had
a toe nail that has suffered through enough scrums and post party
accidents to
resemble something that could be called gross, to say the least.After the experience I realized that if a
girl does something she enjoys, for you, you should just smile, say
thank you
and say how you didn’t realize how great it would be.Anything else, and you end up just saying
sorry later for “not loving” this experience. I can say my feet were
very soft
and smooth.
<>We decided to pick up some booze for the trip.We
are both doing the SouthBeach
diet (no carbs) and that
means no beer.We brought a case of
wine, 2 handles ofbourbon and 2 bottles
of Three Olives “Grape” vodka.It is
very tasty.Super Boy and I have decided
that Summer 2006 is the summer of Lime Rickys.Lime Ricky is a drink the Arctic Circle
used to
sell back west (Arctic Circle = knock off
McDonalds.)It was Grape Juice, Sprite
and Lime wedges.Very refreshing.Well Grape Vodka, Sprite (Diet Sprite) and
limes really is the same taste.Again
very refreshing on a hot summer day.
So we were set with booze.That should last 6 days.So I
thought.In reality it was only 6
bottles of wine, opposed to the 12 in a case, but still 6 bottles of
wine and 4
bottles of booze should have done us right. I can tell you right now,
after
buying 2 more bottles of vodka and 3 more bottles of wine, we
underestimated
how much you drink at the beach.The
reason:YOU DO NOTHING when you are at
the beach;.Wake up at 10 A.M. and eat breakfast, go to the
beach for
6 hours and then come home and eat lunch….sit around for a few hours
eat dinner
and then sit around the rest of the night.That middle time is filled with plenty of time to sit and drink.
<>But I am getting ahead of myself.We
were leaving at 6 AM for the
beach.I was working at the Strip Bar for a bit of cash before I took
off.While I was there I noticed something
that
has eluded me.I actually came up with
the top 5 Rules/Observations about strip joints.
5.Never go sober or
you will have an outrageous tab when you leave.
4.Never go drunk or
you will have an outrageous tab when you leave.
3.The Food is always
very good;Drunk or sober matters not,
the food is the best food you have ever had.
2.Your friend will
always think it is much cooler that you work at a strip joint than you
do (or
you girlfriend does)<>
1.Never wear your
favorite hat to the strip joint and sit in the front row.
<><>
So I made a few dollars my last night and early in the
morning we were off.There was not a lot
of traffic considering it was the Independence Day weekend holiday so
we flew
and we were at the beach around noon.I was able to watch Portugual beat England
(there is something you don’t always see) in the World Cup.We got to our beach house (as
usual….ridiculous.)I want to buy a
cheap small insignificant house at the beach and rent it…..just to see
the
faces on the house guests:expecting hot
tubs, 3 floors, pool table, big bar and find only 2 rooms and a black
and white
television.
Drinks were broken out right a way and I was on my
way.Later that night, the protective
brother
showed up.We were getting along very
well when gauntlets were thrown.Beer
Pong.Beiruit for those youPurists.Toss the ping pong ball into the beer cup and they drink.First done wins.Both
of us were a bit drunk.Both of us were a
bit cocky.I suggested we use full pints
instead of the
usual ¼ cups.Painful indeed, but
better
to be completely passed out drunk when we were done then taunting level.So I thought;
<>It got heated as we both sank cup after cup.We
had downed 4 pints in the first 10
minutes.This after drinking bourbon all
day.I know…….I know, I said I wasn’t
going to drink beer this week, but you can’t play Beer Pong with
bourbon.I think their could be a fire
hazard in case
you cut yourself and the blood spilled on the floor.So we used beer.Of course the girl
between us was concerned
that our snotty quips and challenges was going to lead to a fight of
sorts.This however, did not happen.Of his 6 Pints, I drained 2 within seconds of
each other.He was hurting.I gave him extra time to recover.32
oz of beer in 30 seconds will slow any
trooper down..I did not look forward to
his hitting 2 in a row and my suffering.After he regrouped, he did just that – sunk two and I now fell
into the
pain, only minutes earlier, I had feared.But then he nailed a 3rd the next round.He was now up:I
had one cup left (finished 5 pints in 17
minutes.)He had 2 left.I started having doubts as my balls weren’t
even hitting the table anymore.They
weren’t even close.He nailed the final
one and danced the steps I had planned on stepping only 5 minutes
before.He was the victor.Probably best in reality….let the brother win
round one.I was ushered up to bed (to
avoid any problems)And then my mind
goes blank.Suddenly I am standing, her
brother is at the door, concerned.Jackie is pushing me back to bed.
Thoughts race through a sober mind remembering
what happened.Had he followed and I
started getting upset
about his taunting?Had I said something
on the way up and he followed to take on the challenge.The next morning I learned the truth and I
wish it could have been as brave or stupid as either of those options.No, I had laid on the bed and soon rolled out
of bed, crashing to the floor with enough impact to waken those that
were
sleeping and getting the attention of her brother who quickly staggered
upstairs to find out if everyone was okay.Not only was I beaten.I had been
beaten to the point of falling out of bed.Forget about the HHH….Chupa, I burned down my self esteem.My pride laid singed by fires that only a
drunken
motivated challenge could cause.At
least no one was around when I awoke at noon.They were all at the beach.Saved.For a bit anyways.The rest of
the day I suffered pity.It was all well
intentioned, but still embarrassing.
<>Since then I have taken it much easier, trying to salvage
any self respect I might muster and have fared much better.Equal warriors (for the most part) set aside
sibling protective duties and have gotten along pretty well.And that puts us today JULY 5, 2006.Seems only fitting I would get wasted on July 2 and spend July 3
dying.Our founding fathers did the same
thing.They had completed the
Declaration of Independence on July
2, 1776.In proper turn, they
hit the streets of Philadelphia
and
partied.A bit too hard.The vast majority failing to miss the signing
ceremony (July 3) some of which rumored to have been found in the city
gutters
and streets.When the hangovers had
subsided the 55 delegates showed up to Independence Hall and sealed the
US
place in history.If only my trip will
have that type of positive effect.
The rest of the week will be a quiet, relaxing
time that I
needed for this summer.We will be in Norfolk
on Saturday (where teammates of mine will be competing in the Norfolk
7s rugby tournament.)I do stress
friends.I can not say teammates (I DO
NOT PLAY 7s) but might take the time to wash myself in the world of
rugby.
<>So tonight I will sip on some Cabernet, watch a movie and
enjoy the beautiful view off our beach front beach house.Keep the faith readers…..more debauchery is
surely on it’s way.
On a side note, I am quite disappointed I will not
be able
to attend Bubby’s 40th Bday party.He sent me an email (which are both random in nature and rare.)He invited me to Brazil
for a small trip his boys are setting up.Of course the bastard was born in the fall – WHY NOT THE SUMMER
DAMN
IT!Needless to say, I wish I could be
there, but will have to live vicariously through his emails (if and
when he
sends them.)
June 20, 2006 More World Cup Action
Strange weekend overall. Quiet in most respects. Still
broke. My advice to all of you out there.....do not use Student
loans to go to Graduate School unless you plan on making a ton of
money. My loans have turned into a small nations national debt
and paying $1100 a month just doesn't seem worth while, however, you do
what you have to do to survive. Hopefully soon the payments can
drop and all will be normal. Until then.....the trips are limited
to a couple a year (takes a while to save up that much money) and
hell....if 1/2 my pay check goes to pay student loans...shouldn't I get
a weekend now and then? I know someone out there that probably
disagrees......but that was someone from a long time ago and I really
don't care anymore.
As for now, school is nearly out. That means sitting by the pool
and relaxing. I am supposed to go to the Outer Banks with my
special lady friend, which should be nice. Sitting on the beach,
enjoying the sun. Hopefully no hurricanes will hit during the 4th
of July weekend.
Back to World Cup Action: I find it ridiculous how the US can
possibly go to the next Round in the WC and possibly only have to score
1 goal themselves. My roommate told me he read "Only the World
Cup seeding system would make the BCS look fair and equitable."
How was the US ranked #5 in the world. Obviously someone forgot
to vote.
I thoroughly enjoyed the Korea v France game however. I like
Korea. My roommates in college were from Cheju Island and they were
good guys. They taught me bad words in Korean. I taught
them how to light their farts on fire and shot gun beer. It was
fair and fruitful learning experience. But more than my
appreciation for Korea....I hate the French. So watching them
fall to a tie against France was Awesome.
Another interesting twist was Ghanan Defender John Pantsil waiving the
Israel Flag after both goals in the Czech v Ghana Match. I
questioned Super Boy and he found that Ghana Soccer had apologised
after the display assuring the world that Pantsil wasn't picking sides
in the Arab v Israel talks, but merely showing support to a group of
his fans from Israel. Apparently he plays at Hapoel Tel
Aviv. Glad we got that resolved. The BBC article made out
as if he was a complete idiot and that he has no idea what is going on
in the world. Ignorance is Bliss as they say. Sounds like
Jim McMahon and his head bands all over again. Too bad they
weren't playing Iran or another Muslim nation, then it may have really
got heated.
So in one week, TC, MJ and SB all head to Spain. Did I mention
how much I hate them all for going on "my trip." GRRRR.
Well as I said before, being broke limits your activities. I will
also be missing Ottawa. Last year was to be the final year and in
deed it looks as if it will be. As I mentioned before, I will be
compiling a list of tournaments. I was actually contacted last
night be a Michigan Rugby team that was hoping to find a tournament to
attend in the Spring. Springs are always best spent, in my
opinion, at Savannah. However, a trip to California would be fun
as well. I have heard of a college tourney in the LA area.
Usually a good time. If you go, I would suggest getting tickets
for the Price is Right game show. Urban legends says that one
college team went and one of their players won a winebago and cash and
prizes. Would be nice to actually know people that have succeeded
in this venture.
On a slightly better note, the Stanley Cup Final game was last night
and Carolina edge out Edmonton 3-1. This is great news. I
have many friends from New England that hate the fact that the Stanely
Cup resides in the South. I love it. For too long the home
of hockey (Michigan, New England and Canada) have been sans cup.
The Red Wings have dominated for years, but seems that even with all
the money at their disposal, they didn't win the past couple
times.
Some would argue that the Carolina Hurricanes are actually the Hartford
Whalers (the NE team moved to Carolina in the late 90s.) I say
phooey. Not because my team, the Colorado Avalanche moved from
Quebec City to Denver, but rather.....because there is a reason teams
move. If your fan base can't support a team and someone else can,
then you lose. Why should a team stay in a town that doesn't go
to your games? Why should they support a community that doesn't
support them. Wasn't that the story behind the Movie Slap Shot
(easily most underrated sports movie of all times - Paul Newman,
Hockey, the Hanson brothers and "gratituous nudity for no reason at
all.") Great movie. But move is the best thing for a
team. When was the last time Hartford won a Stanley Cup?
Maybe the 40s? A team moves and new money allows you to build
what you might need to succeed. I am not talking Philly or
Detroit Red Wings (throw tons of money to buy every great player), but
the kinda money that allows you to buy young phenoms and hold on to
them as they grow and gain the valuable experience needed to win the
cup. I say bravo to the Hurricanes. Oh and I also am happy
that Canada has LOST AGAIN. No offense Canada, but you started
this little war in the early 90s by winning two World Series
Championships. America's Game ruled by Canada. Well
Canada's Game ruled by a bunch of Russians, Scandinavians, Canadians
and Americans playing in the Deep South. Irony is only fitting.
Well that is it for now, hope your weekend is great and your summer is
awesome.
On a side note, South Africa Rugby
(sarugby.com) has asked to use Proptalk in some of their rants, so
I urge you to check out their site and appreciate how the rest of the
rugby world has slowly started enjoying what you have known for
years.......THE LAST BEST PLACE - THE FRONT ROW.
June 16, 2006 WORLD CUP and NBA
FINALS - is there no God?
Okay, don't get me wrong. I enjoy when the World Cup of Soccer is
on TV. I really do. I also enjoy the pools during March
Madness, but in all honesty, I don't like soccer and I don't like
Basketball. Add the fact I have 100 Students begging me to watch
the World Cup instead of watching "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure"
(The movie was released 3 years before they were born), I just can't
take it any more. I can't watch the World Cup. Oh and the
US dismal performance in Game 1 only proves a point I have made for
years. American Women seem to dominate the would be men
sports. Ice hockey, Soccer, and Rugby - the US women have
consistantly been at the top. Men on the other hand, suck.
We took like 2nd place in the Olympics for hockey a couple years ago
(losing to Canada), won the Rugby Gold medal in 1924, but haven't made
it out of the pool rounds in the Cup EVER, and Soccer - well we did get
to the quarter finals last world cup, but obviously we suck now.
But that let me continue with my rant - I hate basketball and soccer -
and that is the only thing on TV. Sure the NHL Finals are on
TV. I didn't even realize it, until I saw the game on
Wednesday. Who knew? Sad. I love hockey. But I
haven't had a chance to really get back into hockey after the year
off. BASTARDS. Long story short, I am in TV Hell.
Lost is over for the year. The show 24 is now complete.
Hell even Deal or No Deal (which I got into in the very end) is
done. I do have Entourage and Deadwood back on the air, but for
how long?
It is just a bit more of the Post maggotfest blues. It happens
all the time. Great time ends and leaves a void. SB, MJ and
TC are going to Spain. That was my damn trip. I suggested
it last year. So I don't have the money to go.....I really don't
want to hear anymore about the great plans they all have for the
trip. BASTARDS every last one of them. That is okay, I am
off to the Outer Banks. That should be fun. 1 week of
sitting on the beach. What am I thinking? I am from
Montana, what the hell will I do on the beach for 1 week
straight? But it should be fun. Unless there is a
hurricane.
Rugby this summer looks to be non existant. No possible way I can
make my way to Canada. I think the Ottawa experience is
over. I am done. I would like to hit Maggotfest one more
time. I might have to compile a list of the greatest
June 2, 2006 Post Memorial Day
Write up
TC from NYC epic journey to DC last memorial day set the stage for a
sequel of sorts. The weekend's blowout party last year allowed TC
to meet strange and wonderful new female friends as well as coined the
phrase, "Stop ruining TC's good time." Could last weekend live up
to the hype?
TC arrived on Saturday. I was out of town with a friend and
arrived back in DC around 5 pm (Same time as his trained
arrived.) Fokker was available for entertaining and quickly found
a party for us to attend. SB was off doing wine country and would
be unavailable until late Sunday. Fokker called and informed me
that he was at the twins party. TC was site seeing and soon found
his way to the event. The neighborhood, not the best location in
DC, was a distance from mia casa, however, I found it without problem
and we arrived to find TC and Fokker already drunk. The night was
a blur of party, followed by drunken stumbling, cabbing and
dancing. I thankfully woke up in my own room and when I left my
room, found TC sleeping in the guest room. He had a bottle of
Vodka, which fueled my drinking early. We were soon joined by
Handsome Pete and Jen who game over to enjoy the famed Sunday
party. The cost was $25 and it was completely for charity so I
had no problem paying for beer. But first we hit Bungalow
Billiards (a local pool hall/bar) for lunch and some cocktails.
And a few we had. Soon we were mezmerized by the booze and
guilt/confusion from the night before. Fokker was not well.
But after a few Caucasions and some beers he was flowing at the right
level.
We arrived at the party and the rest of the night was a blur of
accusations, slurred conversation, and near death.
The point is, the weekend was not nearly as memorable as the great time
we shared a year past. Which brings me to this week's rant:
Sequels....should we even waste our time?
In a movie they discussed sequels vs trilogys. I don't know the
difference per se (Star Wars was a trilogy vs Godfather being sequels)
however, I do know the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. For the most
part I am not even touching the Horror genre....however, some of the
ugly were so bad, they may as well been Horror films.
THE GOOD:
THE GODFATHERS: Apparently this great series of films set the
motion picture on the road to trilogys. Because of the well put
together story, plot and characters, movies attempted to rival this
with each sequel made. A recent Family Guy episode let us in on
the secret that Peter Griffin never really liked the Godfather, nor has
he ever finished watching it. I can now say, I am in the same
boat. I have been told it is a great film, however, I have never
been fond of mafia movies at all (yes this includes the Goodfellas, as
well as the Sopranos. Of course SB would say I simply can not
watch anything intelligent (this after he told me he can't wait to go
see X Men III.) But truth is, I will put the Godfather series
into the Good. Enough people have attested to the greatness and I
will take their word for it.
ROCKYS: Rocky I - IV are all great. PERIOD. As we all
know, Rocky V doesn't exist. Academy award winner Rocky only
started the ball rolling, from then on....the Rocky train just kept
getting better with the conclusion of his career fighting Ivan
Drago. Too good. I would venture to say, the best sequels
ever. And for those trivia buffs that like to blame their teams
poor showing on some curse: (Bambino, Goat, etc), the Curse of
Mickey (the same year Mickey is killed in Rocky III was the last time a
Philly team won a world championship) has haunted the City of Brotherly
Love and I love it.
STAR WARS: My personal second pick, only beaten by Rocky because
of Jar Jar Binks. He ruined their perfect standing as a great
series of movies. I have mentioned before: Watching Episode
III was much like finding out what happened on your 21st bday after you
passed out.......you woke up in a pool of vomit, but how did you get
there.....well the key pieces are replaced in your memory in Episode
III - who knew Obi-Wan would hack off Anikan's Legs?
Back to the Future: Sure Part III was a bit lame, but over
all a great series as well. I loved the possible three meetings
of the same character in Part II. Michael J Fox was on the ball
here.
Indiana Jones: The greatest character of all time. I wanted
to be Indiana Jones: Suave, Sophisticated, funny, rough when need
be....and afraid of snakes. Last Crusade really was a great last
sequel - I wish they would have made more.
Lethal Weapon: Another great series. Crazy Riggs, the South
Africans, the chick and even new funny guy side kick Pesci(who almost
ruined the film, but didn't) were all greats.
Die Hards: Die Hard II almost destroyed this mix, but rebounded
pretty well with Die Hard III. Second favorite action character
John McLane was pretty much the same as Indiana Jones (but not as suave
or sophisticated and always rough). He may have had the next best
cheesey lines (after Any Arnold Movie.)
TERMINATORS: ALL GOOD. Can't say much about it. They
were all well tied together. Worked well.
Fletch: I liked the Fletch series. Both. Both have
very funny lines and parts.
SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Don't remember enough about Part II to
make it bad movie....something about transporting and elephant that
sits on the Sheriffs car...or something. Maybe it should be in
the Bad list.
THE BAD:
Weekend at Bernies: Some would argue that W&B II ruined the
entire
collection, but I can't get over the fact that a Zombie Bernie made me
laugh. Not bad enough to be UGLY.
Superman: I liked Richard Pryor, but fake Kryptonite with
Tar? Huh? I didn't even know there was a 4th.
KARATE KIDS: Good beginning only to be replaced by a female
Danielle-son. Didn't stray too far from the first (slowly slid
downhill....not an abrupt switch to horrible film)
CONAN Series: Barbarian was AWESOME. Add Grace Jones and
Wilt Chamberlain and it all goes down hill. Was Red Sonja
supposed to be included in this series?
City Slickers: Good first movie. Second definitely felt
like a 3 star hangover.....
Cannonball Run: Supposed to be stupid and it was good for being
stupid, but too much stupidity can make your senses dull.
Austin Powers: Overall no slide in the show, but just overdone
plots and characters and humor......for one it would have been okay,
but to make 3?
HOT SHOTS: Again....silly film.....this along with Lesly Neilson
movies and Scary Movie all really can't be considered Ugly...because
that was their purpose....we include all of them right here.....in the
BAD.
POLICE ACADEMYS: Funny. Then got really really bad.
Gremlins and Short Circuit: Apparently there were sequels after
the first. I don't remember, but I will list them as BAD.
VACATIONS: First was hilarious. Christmas and Europe were
okay, but they were definintely brought to the bad level with
Vegas. How many times can they change their kids. I really
was hoping to see Anthony Michael Hall all grows up.
Ghostbusters: SB liked Part II. I did not.
Highlander: There can be only one.......and suddenly there are
more. Don't get it. But still not as bad as the UGLY
THE UGLY
Revenge of the Nerds: SB actually enjoyed Part II. I like
Spring
Break movies - can't believe I didn't add that one to my Spring Break -
Good, the bad and the Ugly list. Part III and IV just got weirder
and more nerdy.
Bill and Ted: Excellent Adventure was most tranquil.
Bogus Journey was most horrible.
Caddyshack: Remove Bill Murray and replace him with Dan Akroyd as
insane grounds keeper? Cameo by Chase makes the movie somehow
connected? Diane Cannon? She is definitely no Lacy Underall.
Meat Balls: One of the funniest movies ever. Followed by a
series of bad movies. Alien from outerspace goes to camp.
III has a ghost of a porn star helping a camper lose his
virginity. No where near as good as the funny I.
Funny......because Bill Murray does not return after the first one here
as well.
Teen Wolf: Good beginnings, horrrible endings. Jason
Bateman as a boxer. About as realistic as watching Michael J Fox
play basketball.
Look who's talking: First was cute, after that......I guess I
could simply watch Dr Doolittle if I wanted to hear funny animals
talking. Did you know that the raccoon's voice is PeeWee Herman?
Batman Series: To me, they have all gone down hill. No one
agrees, but I liked Michael Keaton....since he was the first.
Jaws: I have said it before and I will say it again: Jaws
4: the revenge: Huh?
John Travolta Dance Films: Nuff Said (Sat Night
Fever/Staying alive). Do you remember the kid that gets beat up
in Dazed and Confused? Doesn't he look a bit like Travolta?
And remember, when asked what he wants to do with his life, he says, "I
want to dance." Prequel? Mike Goldberg (the kid that wants
to dance) was also in a movie called Stay Alive........I see some
conspiracy.....or else a large quinkydink.
I have actually watched Teenwolf II, Meatballs III, and B&T Bogus
Journey all within the past month. WHY?
Well that is about it. Quiet Weekend...hopefully.
April 27, 2006 MAGGOTFEST
The trip has taken interesting twists. First MJ and TC decide to
save their vacation/money and use it instead in Pamplona running with
the bulls. Gonna hve to have an impromptu bull running in
Missoula to show them they could have done both. oh well.
Then our Bachelor GP dropped out. His grandmother died and he
won't be able to make it. Completely understand, shame. So
now it is down to 7 of the original 12 and 3 Florida guys. Of
course I have been contacted by another 4 guys since who were looking
for a team to play with......wish people would get on the ball
earlier. In the end, we can just whore and enjoy the beautiful
weekend.
We have our costumes. We have our Tshirts. We have our kit
bags, and we have our 6 CD set of Maggotfest roadtrip music,
specifically designed for this trip. This will be such a great
weekend. Just a few songs on the mix: Stuck in the middle
with you, Copenhagen, Gambler, Danzig Mother, and of course GNR Sweet
Child of Mine. There will be several GREAT surprise songs for the
boys.
Our plans are simple: BZ, Tommy, SB and myself will be arriving
in Spokane and meeting up with Aussie Paul and Casey from NC
(Triad). This truly daring individual is traveling by himself
with a complete group of strangers. Good for him. We will
rent our van and head East. Of course we will pick up some road
refreshments for the 3 hour drive, arrving around 5 pm in
Missoula. We will check into the Bel Aire Motel and after a few
more beers head to Jays for the big party. The rest of the night
is going to be a blur. I have a clan of good idiots. We are
supposed to meet up with 6 floridians while there.
Saturday we will get up (NOT TOO LATE) and head over to the fields
after a short Kangaroo court session to name the Friday night winner of
the Donnelly/Strokes award (two biggest fuck ups of Friday
night). Some rugby and more partying. Sunday off to see
Glacier National park and then back to Spokane for a nice quiet evening
before returning to DC. And this all starts in 25 hours.
SWEET!
As for the story, I have been slow getting the Chicago story, as well
as the Saranac story, up. I will get on it when I get back and
hopefully have all three up before the end of 15s season.
The rest of you out there need to make it to Maggotfest once.
have a great weekend. I will.
April 26, 2006 Month long
hangover
Our Trip to Chicago was insane and I promise I will get the story up
soon. It is under several drafts and we are still compiling the
2000 ridiculous photos from our journey to probably the greatest city
ever. Also sometime next week I will be ready to report on the
happenings of Maggotfest. The trip starts Friday. I am very
much looking forward to the insanity of Maggotfest. We don't have
a team, but we do have 8 great idiots and a couple guys that seem like
good nuts. To my friends at Freedonia State....I apologize about
not getting the Saranac story up yet. I will get it up asap.
March 30, 2006 Chi - Town.
Where is Heidi?
We depart tomorrow AM bright and early for Chicago. I am very
excited. Super Boy did some scouting last week and says this
place is Nirvana. Great fun bars. I am hyped. WE have
our Finding Heidi Tshirts received and are eagerly looking forward to
seeing the sites in Illinois.
Last weekend I hung out with a friend. She had to go to Northern
Maryland (near PA) to pick something up from her x boyfriend. To
eliminate the possibility of ackwardness, I did have lunch with them,
but instead wandered the streets of this small town. As I feared,
not a lot was open. I found the Town Tavern (the only bar open on
Sunday.) They had $1.80 Miller Lite Bottles. $.75 happy
hour prices on weekdays....amazing. They also had Nascar on both
channels. While Maryland actually supported the North in the
Civil War, you couldn't tell by the number of Confederate flags
scattered throughout the establishment. Finally, the best part
was the fact that they had 15 heads mounted around the bar.
Buffalo, Elk, Deer, Moose, and a Zebra. I had never seen a
mounted Zebra head. Interesting.
After a few beers I wandered down the street and found a "Revolutionary
War Reenactment store." Apparently you can buy old Revolutionary
war (and French and Indian war as the sign pointed out - I didn't know
there was much of a difference) clothes for reennactments. I had
to try a jacket on and a funny pointy hat. Ha.
I continued down the road and noticed about 8 girls (high
school...maybe college) walking down the road. The weird thing is
they were packing. Each carried a large compound bow and a quiver
(is that the right term) of arrows. I followed, perplexed where
this Amazon hunting party was off to. They entered the towns
"archery range" and I followed suit. I soon found myself renting
a bow and shooting 25 arrows. After my day of shooting and war
reenactment I headed back to the Town Tavern and met up with my friend
and drove back to wonderful Washington DC. The town was way to
close to home (reminded me way to much of my home town in MT) and
couldn't bare the thought of spending another minute.
This weekend I have Chicago........to think that small town was
sandwiched between NYC and Chicago only fueled by desire never to
return to a small town again. John Cougar, you can keep your
small town.....I will take a small city every time.
Will report more on Chicago next week.
Out
March 16, 2006
Happy Pre St Patrick's Day. I enjoyed my birthday, but I will not
be enjoying Friday night. I was scheduled to work all weekend at
the Good Old Strip Bar I DJ at and make tons of money for upcoming
adventures to Chicago and Maggotfest. Unfortunately, that will
not be the case. For some reason, we will not be DJing in the
club for the next month. Our company will only be doing "MC"
which means my probably $350 a night will drop to a meager $40 and
maybe $100 in tips...maybe, probably more like $50 or $60.
Not only will I not be in the Blarney Stone Mood, but I will be sitting
for 7 hours making an announcement every 5 minutes. Oh and I
won't be able to drink. GOOD GOD MAN!
Need to do some serious Budgeting.
Last weekend journey to NYC left me quite ill. As I watched 24, I
tried to explain to my roommates that I must have been exposed to the
deadly toxin enveloping CRT, because I had those same symptoms, well
other than the instant death part. There must have been some type
of terrorist attack on the subway and I somehow inhaled most fo the
fumes. The only reason for my survival had to be the
extraordinary amount of Jim Beam in my system the entire weekend.
You know the worst part about sharing a birthday with another guy is
that no one remembers it is MY birthday too. I watched shot after
shot being bought for my compatriot MJ, however, no one really cared
about little old me. All the better.....I won't feel bad when I
don't get them a drink on their birthday....or maybe I will just pee in
their Apple Jacks.
We have 12 members confirmed for Maggotfest, so the team will go
through with the uniform orders. We will probably order 15-18, so
there is still time to get in on the team. Email us asap if you
are interested in Maggotfest....otherwise, we will just find 3-5 whores
in Montana.
Finding Heidi tour is just around the bend and that means our first
trip to Chicago. I hope to have a full report on our journey once
we get back...probably a bit of a build up to it next week. We
wanted to get individual disposable cam corders and record the weekend,
and maybe even make a DVD, but who knows......probably easier to just
play it by ear and go with the proverbial flow.
That is it for me sports fans. Hope your season is setting up
nicely. Good luck to PAC in their opening weekend Super League
match vs new comers to the RSL, Charlotte. Saturday night should
be a good time. OUT.
March 2, 2006
Only 2 weeks til my bday. I will be a wopping 35. I
remember when a pop only costed 35 cents. Eddie's Quick
Shop. Packs of Football cards were 20 Cents each pack. That
was Tony Dorsett and Steve Largent's Rookie cards. Oh, the next
year was a little known quarterback named Joe Montana. Of course
mom threw them all out a long time ago. (GOD, Super Boy said that
I have ADD - after reading my 2/17 rant - and he might be right.....my
age to cost of sodas to football cards.)
So it is a slow day in teaching. I have my lessons done. No
test until next week. homework is piling up, but can't motivate
to do them right now....and I still have an hour and half til my next
class. Don't get me wrong, I love Red Days. I have 2
classes. 840-1010 AM, a 15 minute home room, and then another
class at 140 - 310 pm. Easy day!
I have gotten to a point where I am burned out in planning for
trips. I was all excited to read that the Van Steubon Day Parade
was the parade seen in Ferris Bueller's day off. I wanted to
email Super Boy and MJ and tell them. But then I realized, I got
nothing else. In regards to the trip, we all have our
tickets....and it is a go. MJ still needs to contact his friends
to see if we can stay with them.
USSR trip is sorting out slowly. We have, again, less than 2
weeks to confirm another 4 guys. We have 9 ticketed
players. We have a lot of sure things, but I have heard of them
not showing.....many times...so no go without confirmations. Too
much of a gamble to put a team in with only 9 guys. You order 15
jerseys...what if no one wants to pay $50 for a jersey at
Maggotfest? What if you can't find whores (Highly
unlikely). Unless I start getting some airline confirmations, I
don't think we will be able to enter a team.....we will just
whore. That would be unfortunate.
On the bright side, the Tshirts for Maggotfest and Finding Heidi Tour
are doing well. Both are ready for runs at the printers. We
decided to go with the same as 2001 "I'm Here about the blow Job" in
red and yellow this time.....and put Maggotfest rugby blah blah blah on
the back. The Farley Tour is brilliant. Check out the Idiot
Odyssey about Farley to see the image we will be using.
Let me know if you are interested in meeting us for either of these
Idiot Odysseys.
We will add a bit more soon. Have a great weekend!
February 28, 2006
It is not my fault that my stupid computer failed to load the great
stories of 2/17/06. Worse yet, I don't even care the stories are
not told. There is so much more happening in the next 3 months,
that going out with Jason, MJ and SB, running into Tommy and partying
in Adams Morgan seems lame. Waking up with "a 7 star hangover"
seems usual. Partying at a Georgetown Bar while I DJed there and
having a great time eating Cheese steaks and making fun of a chick for
wearing a full body sweater with a belt and fish net stalkings that
went only to her knees seems common place. The weekend, at the
time, was great. Jason puking his guts out until the moment he
got on his flight. Quoting great stories and listening to MJ
randomly break out into verse "More, More, More....how do you like it,
how do you like it?" was great. But we have New York, Chicago,
and Maggotfest coming up in the next 2 months. Time to prepare.
New York next weekend. This will be my first journey back to the
city that never sleeps. Curious if Swan ever made a return visit
to Van Cortland Park? Speaking of Warriors, I have been stymied
for too long on Warriors the PS2 game and had to break down to buy the
guide. Any mission that you are lead by Rembrandt - just
avoid. He sucks and the mission sucks too.
Anyways, next weekend MJ and I will be celebrating our birthdays in
NYC. Should be a great Saturday night. Then we will be
heading to Chi-town for a bit of the Finding Heidi Tour and a bit of
nostalgia in retracing Ferris Bueller's steps too. Finally
Maggotfest. We are still 3 guys short of our team...with only 2
weeks to go. We have 6 guys saying they are in.....however, none
of those six have sent a confirmation. I fear the USSR will not
have the man power to dominate the Maggotfest.
Well I am gonna save this one and make sure it works this time.
More this weekend.
February 17, 2006 Dying: 12 noon
My diet is officially off for the weekend. I just consumed 5
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in a matter of seconds. It is like
Crack. I don't know what I would do if Krispy Kreme were
available at 7/11. That would be bad. Very Very bad.
This reminds me of a horrible movie with a memorable scene. Dan
Akroyd and Walter Mathua shared a few laughs in the movie Couch
Trip. The scene that comes to mind is when Mathua sucks all the
jelly out of the jelly filled donuts with a straw. He says, If
anybody wants a doughnut with no jelly, these are ready. Flash
forward from 1988 to 2002. I am hammered at a morning bar staff
meeting. We went out all night drinking. Got home and drank
some more and that was when one friend and I decided to see how much
Everclear we could drink. We mixed it as if it were simple
vodka. I was trashed. My boss called me to remind me that I
had the meeting. I told him I was drunk. He told me to come
anyways. I barely could sit on the bar stool. They had
doughnuts for everyone, so I started sucking the jelly out of the
doughnuts. The General Manager stops and stares at me.
"John, what is it you are doing?" I raise the doughnut up and
say, "If anybody wants a doughnut with no jelly, these are
ready." They asked me to leave. I didn't get fired.
Crazy world we live in.
So today in school I watched 2 female students jaw at each other for a
good 10 minutes before the Vice Principal came to my class to get
them......I didn't think it was bad enough to have them removed, but
you know girls, once you get them started, they won't shut up about
anything: Hi mom and all my female friends. Anyways, guess
they just threw down in the cafeteria. I always miss the good
fights.
So, as I said, I have eaten 5 doughnuts, 1 pork chop, and consumed
(consumed? curious - was I playing drinking games last night?) 7
caffeine free diet cokes (I should be drinking caffeine - what the hell
is wrong with me?) and I still feel like crap. So I guess
the old junk food cure no longer works. I am seeing a trend
here. When I was younger, if I felt like I was getting sick, I
would get myself rip roaring drunk. The alcohol, as theory is
stated, will kill any virus or bug you might be catching. Now it
just breeds disease. Junk food and a snapple used to break me out
of my post drinking funks. Not any longer. In retrospect,
Snapple never worked. It was always an urban myth. We each
had our flavors. I was a Kiwi and Strawberry guy...but in the
end, you just had some sweet juice and a bad hangover. My brother
is 6 years older than I am....and he is still hooked on Snapple.
The only other thing he learned from me was Rugby. He doesn't
play any longer, but he lived it while he played. He fit in 7
years of rugby in 3 seasons.....antics, crazy behavior, loss of
money. All in 3 years. But I digress.....
How is methane created? I mean really? I have the worst gas
in the world. How can bourbon, pop, and beer create the nasty
stuff that Saddam was going to launch at our troops? Talk about
WMD. 1 hour til my class, need to open a window. GOOD GOD,
I don't think I can stand.
So I mentioned that GP is in town. He is getting married this
summer in Iowa or Wisconsin or something. MJ and I are thinking
about going to his wedding. Could be fun. Never been to
Iowa. Heard they have lots of corn there. That sounds
fun. Don't really know what I meant by that, but whatever....I
have decided I can't make sense today. Need to go to the library
and get a movie for this last class. Too unproductive today.
What is worse? Going to a Renaissance Fair or Star Trek
Convention. Don't get me wrong, I am a Sci Fi geek (Sci Fi channel is
set to record all night tonight), but I don't think I could deal with
people in costumes. At least at the Renaissance fair you can eat
those yummy Turkey Legs. And Drama chicks are usually easy.
Or at least they were in college. And I suppose there has to be
beer or ale or something at the fair. Hmmm......this might be
something I need to investigate. Like the time when Bubby and I
went to the Coors Brewery for the brewery tour 5 days in a row.
The good old days. I was 25 back then. I am gonna be 35 in
less than a month. Oh where has the time gone?
I was at the Bottom Line last night with the rugby guys. They are
all psyched about another exciting season of rugby. That is
another question. What happened to me. I used to believe I
couldn't live without rugby. I have officially been detached from
the team for 4 years. In the beginning it was money/insurance
issues. I still played 2 or 3 games a season, but never was
serious...don't recall ever going to practice. Now I am starting
practice and it is tougher than motivating Angela Chase from MY SO
CALLED LIFE not to stop thinking so deeply and just get drunk once in a
while. Speaking of MY SO CALLED LIFE, do you think Ricky Vasquez
was really gay or do you think he just acted? Do you think
he was type cast after that for gay Latino guys. If they made a
documentary on Pedro from the Real World, would he have to play the
part? Little trip to IMDB answered that question. Type cast
only as a background drop ever. He had stints on West Wing, Party
of Five and even Sister Sister. His last role was "smoking
Technician" on some television show. And he was so talented.
There is one more Krispy Kreme and I swear I can hear it calling my
name. It's fudge topping is wrinkly just like the Emperor.
"You don't know the power of the dark side of the force."
So I sat at the Line last night, chatting with a few of the guys, and
totally not missing the good old days. Don't get me wrong.
I love to go out. I love to drink. I still love an
occassional game of rugby, however, I don't necessarily enjoy myself
like I used to. Stumple into the Bottom Line at 4 pm after 3
games of rugby on the mall. Drink free beer til about 7 pm.
Eat some nachos at the Line. Continue to drink cheap beer until 3
AM...and stumble out and go to Whiteys for another hour of
drinking. Then head to 7/11 for some late night hot dogs and then
crawl into bed. At the time, it seemed like such a great
life. I figured thousands of people would kill for my
existance. Now I realize that there are thousands, but most are
malnourished in some 3rd world nation and would put up with the rest
just for the 7/11 hot dogs.
Nope, I have found I pick my fights. 5 or 6 big weekends a
year...okay 12 or 13 and a handful of school night extravaganzas to mix
it up. Anymore, and I suffer in my classroom like right
now. I have officially worn down to a 1 star hangover, but it is
still distressing on my bowel movements. By the way, I always
thought it was Vowel movements, and I thought it was Goose tape (Duct
Tape). Limited Montana Education. This has
turned into quite a rant. I am quite impressed. Of course,
again, I have said nothing, however, it was still fun to rant for a
while.
I was reading my journal today on the crapper and saw an entry that
gave me some material for rants. I never used them, but will have
to get back to them at some point. There was some pretty good
stuff.
Until next week, have a great weekend. I will have a full report
of the shenanigans for tonight.
OUT
February 17, 2006 3 Star
Hangover 9 AM
You know what the real problem with drinking on a school night
is? Not the hangover, but more the lack of sleep. I am
totally a walking zombie right now.....and it won't get any
better. I am gonna be sick out again tonight. Alas, such is
life.
So I finally got up the Power Hour photos from New Years Day.
Good stuff. There are a lot of photos and they are not
thumbnailed so it may take way to long to load. I have cable
internet, so mine load up quickly. It was a good night. Powerhour!
Gonna give a quick pop quiz now....talk to you a bit later....and
report on my status.
February 16, 2006 Green Peace
I am very excited about this weekend. An old Idiot Brother and
1028 Roommate has returned to the capital city. Jason, aka Green
Peace - he saves all whales from going home alone.....he prefers GP,
will join SB, MJ and myself for a few beers at a great Dive Bar in
Arlington, VA. Jays was the home of many of our happy hour
socials. $5 pitchers of Bud and a great cheap menu. I
remember one day having 6 pitchers and 5 apps and it being roughly $45
tab. Insane.
Anyways, GP and I have been fairly good friends, really from the
beginning of the entire Idiot Odysseys. He showed up in DC in
2001 and we soon became good friends. He moved in the next month
and the friendship was often pushed to the limits. We have had
our outs, but they always ended with beers and laughs.
One night we were at Kelly's Irish Times on Capital hill when, a
drunken Harry Strokes has annoyed a girl continuously throughout the
night. She now has started calling all of us (SB, Harry, GP and
myself assholes.) GP, not one for disparaging his friends,
decides this girl needs to shut her pie hole. He tells her to
shut up or he will kick her in the butt. I don't know why he
chose to kick her in the butt, but when she continue to scream at
Harry, he popped her in the ass, sending her ass over tea kettles into
the street. At this point her boyfriend is pissed. SB and I
calm the situation and are trying to load our drunken comrades into
GodZuki. WE can't. GP is angry and wants to fight. I
get tired of wrestling with him and let him go after the guy. In
the process of the melee, SB gets cut on some branch of a bush they are
wrestling in. SB finally carries GP over his shoulder to the
car. For the next 20 blocks I am accused of being an asshole by
all three guys. Funny part is, they weren't driving. I was
not about to wait around for the police to show up and start checking
sobriety. I finally pulled over and told them all to get out if
they wanted to keep bitching. GP got out. I drove
off. I received several calls that night from him. He
wasn't happy about where I dropped him off and I was dead to
him....until the next day. He was fortunate enough to meet
several crack whores and a drug dealer.
Of course there was the time we went to the beach for a rugby
tournament. Summarizing that story seems silly....check it
out: Cape
May
GP is a great guy and hopefully we can relive some fun times Friday
night.
I watched a couple movies recently. Here are some reviews:
Waiting (R):
Okay, thought it would be great. Movie about the behind the
scenes shit that happens at bars. SB and I both worked at the
once great Whiteys. We would drink beer til 5 AM. We would
play "sit down" darts for $20 a pop. We would jam to a great Juke
box all night. We would invite our friends over after a long
night at a bar. We would party. MJ drove into
the bar once. Put his car in drive instead of reverse....crashed
right into the brick building. I jumped out of my car and said,
"I told you you were too drunk to drive." Before I could finish
my statement, he had handed over his keys and was in Godzuki. It
was a great bar. How unfortunate it is that the movie failed to
hold true to the greatness of working in a bar. There are some
good scenes, don't get me wrong, however, for the most part, it was a
weak attempt at humor. Van Wylder returns as one of the waiters
and he is funny, but he is the same character as he was in Van
Wylder. The rest of the cast is okay, at best. And when I
rented the "Unrated" version, I was expecting gratuitous nudity.
How mistaken was I. Fake scene of a guys balls and a fake Bush
(and I do mean Bush) on a horrible waitress. Sad. Grade C+
My Date with Drew (PG):
Okay this one was much more fun, but it is a silly documentary about a
guy that wins a small prize in a game show and his buddies and him make
a movie about trying to get a date with Drew Barrymore. I know
why....who didn't have a crush on this chick. She is hot.
It was funny, but more it was fun watching him make a movie with his
buddies. If only I could take my cam corder to Maggotfest...I
could surely make a fortune selling the movie.
Notebook (PG):
Chick flick. Not bad. Can't really say much more. I
do enjoy James Garner movies.
So there are the movies for this week.
Finally, forwarded to me by Super Boy. Enjoy this site.
Boys enjoy your Presidents day. I will get a write up on the
weekend soon. And remember, anyone interested in Maggotfest 2006,
give me a shout....we still are looking for a few more guys.
Happy New Year: February 8,
2006 NOT MUCH TO SAY
First thing is first, I would like to wish all the best to Amy
from the Austin Valkryes all the best. TC and I hung out with her
and a teammate a few months back at the Bottom Line. Thanks for
the email requesting more rants. Sorry they have not been more
frequent. Busy busy busy.
Next, I would like to congratulate a few new additions to my rugby
family. Bubby and Marilyn have popped out another kid (3 or 4
now), Kiwi John and Kiwi Karin had their second child ("and he has 8
man hands"), and Craig Ruberti and his wife Sara have had a child as
well. Congratulations! NO MOM, I don't have any kids
yet. YES MOM, I understand I turn 35 on March 15 (HINT HINT
HINT). In any case, the world seems to be growing up and I find
myself still stuck in the 9th grade (yes, I do teach in the 9th gade,
however, that is about where my hormones and maturity are as well.)
Super Boy and I were chatting one night a couple weeks back. We
were both drunk and decided that we would be going to Maggotfest
this Spring. We started putting together a list of players that
said they wanted to go and we decided, yes, we would have enough for
another team. So we are securing the final players to enter the
USSR into Maggotfest on April 28-30, 2006. All Star cast
includes: Brian Donnelly - facing his demons from 2001, Montana -
IT IS MY STATE, Super Boy - Maggotfest rookie, Boz - Another Maggotfest
Rookie.....he broke my cherry in Saranac: I am breaking his in Montana,
Tommy - "Back door - No babies," TC - a warm up for our run with the
bulls in Pamplona, Aussie Paul - flying up from Albuquerque, and a
handful of "I am in" from Patrick, Norm, MJ, Fokker, and a few of my
former teammates with the Denver Highlanders. We are anxious to
complete the team, so if you want to join this tour, let me know
asap. We will be making our final arrangements on March 1
(whether we have the numbers for a full side or not). There is no
need to be of Idiot Brother status......backs are welcome as are loose
forwards. Keep in mind, this tournament has caused many a soldier
to weep for days afterwards. It has turned respectable people
into insane animals. It has seen 300 kegs at a party and 1/3 of
them being doused on unsuspecting victims (bring your rubbers -
slickers...what ever you want to call them.) Great trip...hope to
see you there.
Rugby starts here in...well it actually has already started, but I
don't think I will venture out....well until it warms up a bit.
Maybe Tuesday.....try to motivate myself. I have insurance now
and am ready to hit.
We found a great site (thanks Cracker) and have linked their page with
ours. Mondern
Drunkard Magazine is a great ezine that will allow you to read
about partying, booze, and fun. Enjoy
Will keep in touch......rumor has it, Idiot Brother Green Peace - he
will always rescue a whale from being stranded at the bar alone, AKA
Face, will be in DC next weekend. I am sure we will have a hefty
report from that night. Talk to you soon.
December 22, 2006 Gentlemen's Evening
Well It has been a while, not much has happened. Few nights of
complete and utter intoxication. Tonight should be
interesting. PAC has annual Gentlemen's night. Fancy dinner
and drinks etc. Could be a good night. Would have to be
better than a couple weeks ago.
SB and I went to a party a
couple weeks ago.
It was one of those parties that we really didn’t belong at (hoity
toity Georgetown party), but I made all
the music for the party so got the side invite.Also the fact one of they guys throwing the party went to Ottawa with USSR, we were assured our
place at the party.
We
arrived and made the midstake of going to the wrong house. It
actually was not the WRONG house, but rather House #2 for the row house
party. It was the Nice house, much like the scene of the frat
parties in Animal House. This was the one with soft music, hors
d'vors, women........while the other had a handful of guys swigging keg
beer, some playing Beer Pong, and great music playing.....(MY
MUSIC). We knew where we belonged. Slowly we noticed many
of the girls heading our direction (to the cool house.) This
house just was so much cooler...and add the fact, SB and I were
there......
Before
I even left for this party, however, I got loaded on my homemade
Kaluha. We call it liquid crack. First your face goes numb
and by the end of the night you will be passed out somewhere.
Then I drank a lot of beer. Frist I should mention that in our
cab to the party, we stopped and I picked up two bottles of Boone's
Farm Wine. Strawberry Hill...for those of you in Europe, this is
cheap High School Wine. We entered the party and our stock shot
up 350 points for justing having the stuff. Everyone complimented
us on our choice of drink. I continued to use the bottle all
night. I poured keg beer into the bottle when the wine was
gone. The crowd seemed to be enjoying the music I put together,
but then I fell into the liquid crack coma. Ater snapping myself
INTO consciousness, I engaged my ""Go Home" safety device. I
started heading for the door, but decided I might need a snack for hte
walk. Since they roasted an entire pig for their party, I decided
some meat would be the best option.
I
walk up, say goodbye to Super Boy and ripped the head off the pig in
one swipe. Super Boy stares dumbfounded. I tell him I need
a snack and stumble for the door. He follows and continues to
stare in disbeleif as I stumble down the road still grasping the snout
of the pig's head, "brandishing it like a club." I disappeared
over the hill top and that could have been the last SB would have ever
seen me.
I get to Wisconsin Ave to attempt to catch a cab. Apparently
Muslim cab drivers don't pull over when you wave a pig's head at
them. I slowly go from leaning on the sign post next to me, to
sitting on the cub, to full laying sprawled on the sidewalk.
Darkness pervades my mind and I slip into a thin level of coma.
So there I am
sittting/laying on Wisconsin Ave and a jeep pulls up. I assume it
is someone from the party when they say, "hey, do you need a
ride?" I say sure and get in.
Turns out the driver is a
psitting image of Rick James....from the Chappelle Show. he tells
me I have to put my pig in a bag and tells me if I pay him $20 he will
give me a ride back to Alexandria. I agree. We drive around
for a long time (Tim is no longer clicking in my mental rolex) and I
realize he si driving north. I tell him he needs to go
south. He argues. I tell him to let me out and he agrees to
drive south. Then he tells me to get cash so I can pay him.
I tell him I will pay him when I arrive in Alexandria. He argues
more. I then decide there will be no harm pulling out $40 from an
ATM. I get the cash out and we pull away. He then says he
has to get out to piss. I deicde it is time to ditch this guy and
stumble away. Either alcohol intoxication, childproof locks
or both prevent my escape from the Jeep Cherokee. I am attempting
to pull off a Bo and Luke Duke Escape out of his window when he returns
to the Car. He gets back in and starts driving north again.
I am somewhere near Rockville I assume and I demand to be let
out. He tells me he is taking me home. I tell him he isn't
and that I will not stand for this abduction. I pull out my cell
phone and dial 9-1-1. I tell him I will hit send if he doesn't
pull over immediately. He pulls over and I jump out. He
asks for some money and I flip him off.
I get in a cab and my 3
hour drunken ordeal is
over....so I THINK.
Turns out, somehow he
accessed my account from
the ATM (I'm gonna take a piss) and cleaned out my account. I
have my ATM
card so either he took it without me noticing, the ATM didn't close
when we
pulled away, or he is a brilliant computer person that knows how to
hack into
ATMs (while looking just like Rick James), but it I am just happy I am
still
alive and didn’t become Rick James’ bitch.
November 23, 2005 Turkey Day Eve
My tribute to some of the best Turkey Days ever.....as well as some new
plans, theories, and past stories brought back to life by the magical
canned yams. But that is another story.
So no school today, however, I still had to go in and do work.
NOT a big deal, cause I can always find something, in my first year of
teaching, to do. However, Super Boy and I went out dancing last
night. Anyone that knows us, knows we don't actually dance, but
rather end up at the strip bar. I call this "dancing." We
watch them dance....sorta dancing.
Anyways, so I woke up this morning with a 2 star hang over.
Nothing 3 diet cokes and a corned beef sandwich can't attempt to
tame.......and Jesse walks in and says, "What time is it?" I
reply, "It's Peanut
Butter Jelly Time." He dances (this time he really does
dance) in my door way and is out the door. I stumble to the
kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, yawning, stretching, trying to
come to life. And now I am school.
Finalizing the winter and spring events with Jesse last night was fun
and a bit ambitious. If I had all the money in the world, I might
not be able to do everything we planned. He wants to go to NYC
again and see TC (preferrably before the holidays). Then he
wants to go to England. One of his buddies is a member of
parliament and turns out is quite the party animal over there.....so he
wants to go visit. Of course our Whiteys Reunion night at Jays
will be a smash. And then there is rugby. The sheer madness
of it all.
MAGGOTFEST! Montana Dave, Super Boy, TC, Tommy, and myself
will be heading out to Montana. But that isn't the only
tour. We are planning trips to Chi-Town (the Finding Heidi Tour -
a Tribute walk through the last bars of Chris Farley) on March
30, 2006. Wouldn't mind hitting some of those smaller Middle
America tournaments I have heard about. 2006 will start off with
the WING BOWL 06 in Philly....and continue from there. Something about
18,000 fans watching 15 people eat Chicken Wings, trying not to pass
out due to the large quantities of beer they have consumed, all the
while searching for those random 20 year old girls showing their
breasts for beer.....all at the crazy hour of 8 AM. In reality,
I have hit all of the best tournies ever. Maggotfest.
Saranac. Ottawa. Savannah. High Desert. But I
am sure there are couple out there that are worthy of my write
ups. We will find you elusive good rugby tournament, oh yes, we
will find you.
So Super Boy and I joined a stripper aerobics class. Figured it
would be a cheap way to watch strippers. Turns out they don't get
naked, nor do you really want SOME of them to get naked. But we
can give mean lap dances now. Watch out ladies.....we might be
finding you.
So now without delay, Turkey Day Eve memories from the past 8 years at
the bottom line.
5. Taking a date to the BL and meeting up with the guys.
The girl gets wasted by 10 PM and I take her back to my place, put her
to bed, and head back out to party the night away with my
buddies. She is none the wiser.
4. Chinese Massage Parlor. Need I say more?
3. A girl telling a drunk Father Harry Strokes, "your a
pig." His response, "Pig, Pig? I will fuck you like a
pig." Her reply, "you and your friends are losers." His
response, "losers? losers? I will fuck you like a
loser.....um...huh?"
2. Girl saying about Super Boy, "Your friend just called me a fat
whore." "No he didn't (he did)" I reply. She looks at
him. "No I didn't" he says. She says, "I swear you
did." He replies, "Why would I say that, I think you are
hot." "Really?" They start making out.
1. Harry, MJ and myself finding ourselves at MJ's apartment after
being 86ed from the bar only to drink 2 more hours of Myers Black Rum
of Death (with an weee splash of coke) and listening to 80s
metal.
To write up Turkey day eve, can't do it justice. It is a state of
mind. 30 rugby players delaying their ineveitable journies to
points across the east coast to have one last good night with the boys
before the season is officially over. The unexpecting girls who
don't know what awaits them when the enter the bar. The guys,
scared to death when 3 props approach their dates and ask them to
dance. It is all classic memories that will stick
with me well past alheimers has set in........and I can't remember how
to spell alsheimers.....whatever.
Speaking of journies home, I will not be attending my Montana
Thanksgiving for the 12th straight year. The trip is just too
expensive to pull off one month before I go out there for
Christmas. And that journey looks to be around $800 or
$900. Never good.
So apparently there are a few new friends of the Rant out there.
Glad you are enjoying the write ups.....if you have any comments, feel
free to send them my way.
Well until next week's update of Turkey Day Eve Events, have a great
holiday and be safe.
November 18, 2005
So what, it has been a while. A lot has happened since
June. Fell in and out of love like a 15 year old boy in puberty,
been to two great rugby tournaments, hung out with my lil Monkey in DC,
Colorado, and then in Montana......vacations are always better with
Spunky the Love Monkey. I sit here now, dumbfounded, after seeing
a picture of one of our idiot brothers. Harry Strokes has joined
the seminary. Amazing. What has this world come to?
Super Boy is a respectable character at Department of Commerce. I
am a full time teacher. And Harry is a priest. Just seems
like last year Harry was peeing on a girl moments before Super Boy took
her back to his tent in Ottawa.
I saw Urban Cowboy last night. Single greatest unintentional
comedy of all times. "Sissy, I am sorry...all the way back to
that first time I hit you." Classic. He buys her a trailer
for their wedding gift. The Bud and Sissy license plates in his
truck. All moments I will treasure forever.
TC visited from NYC last weekend. He had a few friends from the
Austin Women's team visiting. One of which was a nice young prop
who had actually read proptalk before.......but of course...should be
standard for all new props. The two Austin players were great
company but were forced to depart the bar early on Saturday to play in
an 8 AM match with the NOVA women. WHO THE HELL SCHEDULES AN 8 AM
MATCH DURING A ROAD TOUR? NOVA I guess. Boo on that
decision. In any case, hey there to the girls; it was very
nice to meet you.
I need to find the hang over list. I am definitely sitting around
a 3 star hang over. I am merely sharing this list....and can not
take credit for any of the creativity in which it was written.
One Star Hangover
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere
disco nap, which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad
that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still
parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are
craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.
Two Star Hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging
is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie
tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after
the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you
were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball hero watching the
E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3
Snapples and a liter of diet coke, yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot
shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style
makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Grover Cleveland
HS, class of '84.
Five Star Hangover
AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of
every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the
remnants of the shit fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty
good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where
you were, what you drank and why there is a stranger still sleeping in
your bed at your otherwise empty house.
Six Star Hangover
Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nut smacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the
ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the
bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your
roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to get up before you.
You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertently turn
your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in
your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra
lights... some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them
like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to
see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead...
the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your
forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14
minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is
your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
With that said, I leave you with something in honor of Father Strokes.
Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.
But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
Everybody's got a special kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shine,
It don't matter that you got not alot
So what,
They'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine.
And together we'll be fine....
Because it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
Yes it does.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
See you next week!
June 20, 2005Finals
Week
As I approach handing out my finals to the
students of my 9th
grade PE class, I look back at those high school days gone by, and am
urged to
sing along with Mr. Alice Cooper….School’s out for the summer…..
I am sure by 1 PM
on Wednesday, I will be in a sprinters stance ready to fly out the
door,
throwing old home work in the air and trying not to get caught by the
High
School kids (ala Dazed and Confused.)School’s Out by Alice Cooper was so much the anthem for this
time of year,
that even today, when I deejay, I get requests for it, mostly from
teachers
that are happy the year is finally over.I know I have it and will play it all week.
First party.Going
into the 9th Grade.We
smuggled a bottle of Champagne
from someone’s parents.Four friends,
united to drink for the first time.Well
NOT the FIRST time, but for the most part, the first time.So there we were, warm bottle of champagne
and the four of us making our symbolic pledges to be friends forever
and get
laid and party and have fun…..all the things we really had no idea how
to
do.We popped the cork and half the
bottle spurt all over my buddy’s bedroom.
That summer I spent my 2nd year on a
summer swim
team.We met new girls.We hung out for a week at the fair
grounds.We watched Top Gun.We spent time at the lake.I met
Alison who I wrote to for 4 straight
years.I kissed my first girl.And I spent all summer trying to get to 2nd
base with anyone.The summer ended with
one last blow out.The party consisted
of hanging out in the same basement bedroom we christened with
champagne,
drinking mason jars of booze we had stolen from my best friend’s
parents.Gin, Vodka, Cranberry Liquor and
7 cans of
beer we had stolen from his old man.The
others had brought wine coolers, soon to become a staple of my high
school
parties.
We watched horrible horror films like Evil Dead
and Beast
Within.We drank our drinks and a
handful of us had to get our football equipment at the school.There is an experience.Reeking
of booze and picking out football
helmets.We returned to find my best
friend blitzed, throwing up and pizza from the Pizza Hut being
delivered.We then spent the remainder of
the evening
walking around town, holding hands with girls that only 3 years before
would
have made us sick to our stomachs to do.One of the best summers I ever remembered.
Within 2 years, we had tried to achieve every goal
we set,
however, by my junior year I moved away and completely lost track of 2
of the
guys.My best friend and I remained good
friends for quite a while.He showed up
at my graduation with a couple of other guys from my old school.They had rented a Winnebago and were off to
explore the world.He never stopped
exploring and lived in Europe and all over the
country.I was off to college and I have
never heard anything about the other guys.Simple fact…….what started off beginning our pre adulthood
adolescence,
really was evolution of ourselves.Cruising the drag in our cars, listening to 80s metal and
hanging out at
the fairgrounds was replaced with College football and college girls
for
me.My best friend moved on to world
traveling and photography.But there was
that first summer of our future and none of us could have been happier.
The Senior year.Another
one of those years that defined my life.I had moved on from that small town I lived in, to another even
smaller
town.I was all lined up to play college
football.I had been improving my grades
every quarter since I moved to the school and was ready to move on to
college.I was an alternate on the state
East West Shrine game, quite an accomplishment from a small town player
with a
1-9 record.But thanks to my competition
(State Champs) I got a lot of credit from their coach.On graduation day I got a card from my
football coach telling me that I had been bumped up to play in the
Shrine
game.My best friend from my old school
arrived with a Winnebago, and I spent the entire summer hanging out
with girls and
friends that had graduated with me. I
also worked at a Summer Camp, where I met a couple girls.I spent some time at my Aunt’s where I met a
couple girls.I worked at another camp
(A Girl Scout Camp) with my buddy from my most recent school and met a
couple
counselors.I met a few more girls that
summer at parties, street dances, and just finalizing my pre adulthood
adolescence, sending me directly into adulthood.I
reported to the shrine game football camp
and then directly to college football camp.That summer was AWESOME.It all
began with a great party on graduation night.That was the last great summer.
Here is to this summer.Now on to some rugby thoughts.
Former Eagle Gerry MacDonald told some crazy
stories about
his time on the US
national team.He spoke of two props,
one a pyromaniac prop, would be matched up with the rookie back on tour
every
time they traveled.He had a tendency to
walk around the room naked.ALWAYS.He also liked to light things on fire,
including his bed and was known to throw matches at girls sleeping in
his
roommates bed.Another was, in Gerry’s
words, one of the dirtiest bastards he ever met.He
would take home hot chicks and play “What
can we put in her tonight.”When Gerry
is disgusted, it must be bad.But the
funniest story could have been one trip when they woke up late for
their
practice, they all scurried out of the hotel rooms, dressing on the way.Once they boarded the bus, the line of girls
they had recently met on tour appeared outside the bus, waving
goodbye….mostly
wearing their sleeping attire.US
Eagles, no wonder we never win games.
Quiet weekend for the most part.Sadly, the only highlight were working at the
Strip bar and making more money than I spent.Saturday night an old guy at our rugby bar, a regular, was
passed out on
the bar.I noted this to myself.He is the sorta old timer that can talk your
ear off about really nothing, and have more conversation the next time
he sees
you.I got up to get a CD for the
bartender when I heard splattering from the old guys direction and the
feel of
warm wetness on my leg.Assuming he was
puking, I jumped out of the way and glanced over to see his dick in his
hand
and him pissing all over the floor.Instantly
I was overcome with nausea to think he had been pissing on my leg.I did a quick wash off in the bathroom as the
door guys escorted him out and came to the conclusion I would shower
upon
reaching my home, which I did.Everyone
asked why I hadn’t killed the guy.We
have all been there was my only response.I don’t know a soul that hasn’t pissed in public, whether it be
a bar,
someone’s bushes at a house party, or at a metro stop at 2 AM.I
can’t hold
that against him, or the hypocracy might catch up to me someday.
Speaking of mad pissers, Idiot Brother Harry
Strokes called
me on Friday informing me that Judas Priest and Queensryche were in
concert on
Sunday.I was unable to attend, but I
bet it was a great show.
Three more days til Alice Cooper is ringing in my
head.
June 6, 2005 Weekly rant
Really have nothing to say. I have been teaching PE this entire
year and it is coming to a close. Thank God. I will miss
the money this summer, however, I really can use a few of these days
off. DJing 5 nights a week and then getting up 4 hours later and
working all day and then doing it all over again sucks. Last
night at the Bottom Line I ran into a couple girls. They asked if
I remembered them, but I had no idea....at first, then it came
clear....they were the Bowdon girls I met at the Sign of the
Whale. Nachel and Eileen. Nice surprise, otherwise, it was
a dead night (as usual).
I was watching Free Movies on comcast on demand last weekend. You
know you can actually find decent movies once in a while. One of
the movies I watched, not decent whatsoever, however, it did have
gratuitous nudity. The movie, Spring Break, made me think about a
great idea. I should list all the great Spring Break
movies......maybe not all the great ones, but just ALL of them.....the
good, the bad and the ugly. There were some classics. There
were some bombs. And then there was FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY.
That movie was a mistake watching. I just didn't know.
Okay, I just didn't know. Worse yet, I spent $4.99 on comcast on
demand for it. The subject line read: Young couple fall in
love on a wild party spring break. HELLO. I don't watch
American Idol. I didn't know who Kelly Clarkson was. How
could I? Well other than the fact I am a DJ. Anyways, below
find the good, the bad, and the Ugly of Spring Break flicks.
These are only a few...considering from 1999-2005 there are over 20
movies related to Spring Break. I will do my best however.
The Good
Spring Break (1983)
Great film about two guys renting a party motel in Fort
Lauderdale. Two New Yorker party animals are assigned the same
room and they make due sharing the small room and becoming friends and
partying the entire movie. Filled with stereotypical nude scenes,
wet t-shirt contests, and hooking up with large breasted bikini clad
blondes. Female rock band, riding the tail of the Go-Gos,
Bangles, Bananarama, and later Vixen.....have active role in the film
and of course one of the main characters becomes involved with the hot
lead singer. Over all great film with enough nudity to establish
itself as a great 80s sex movie.
Hardbodies (1984)
Another classic. This film however, is less about spring break
for college kids, but rather 3 older gentlemen experiencing their
midlife crisis and finding sactuary in the world of T&A.
Within the first 25 minutes there are 18 sets of breasts exposed, from
the classic dog running off with the girl's bikini top to a impromtu
model photo shoot that soon turns into a collective of breasts.
Movie also includes 5 punk rock/medal heads trashing the beach and
being generally obnoxious throughout the film, as well as another 80s
female band.
Fraternity Vacation (1985)
Geek does well when he is invited on Spring Break with a couple of his
fraternity buddies (in essense to pay for their spring break).
Rival fratters wage battle for sexual favors from hottie as the geek
tries to come to age with his sexual experiences growing each adventure
out. Coined the classic phrase "so I guess a blow job is out of
the question." Funny movie with a good amount of nudity to
qualify for classic 80s sex movie.
The Real Cancun (2003)
An MTV documentary of several college students from around the country
in a "Real World" setting. Fit a lot of the previous
movies: Geek finding his own, nudity, buddying up, and sex.
Lots of sex. Fun movie.
Road Trip (2000)
Hardly a "Beach movie" but still spring break. Three friends and
a geek (seeing a pattern here) drive from NY to Texas in 3 days to stop
his girlfriend from receiving a video tape of main character having sex
with a girl in his school. Lots of fun party scenes (University
of Tennessee), sex ("What did you do? Kill a Cheetah?") and lots
of laughs (Sperm bank), not to mention awesome grand theft auto of a
blind school's yellow bus. Great soundtrack as well.
The possibles: The titles of the next films all look inspiring,
however, I have yet to see them:
Can It Be Love (Spring Break Sorority Babes) (1992), Lauderdale (Spring
Break USA) (1989), The Quest (Spring Break: The Movie)
(2003), Girls of Spring Break (Playboy's Girls of Spring Break)
(1991), Sorority Sluts 3: Spring Break (2001), Any of the
Spring Break films from Girls Gone Wild or Blind Date, and finally
Spring Break in Bosnia which is slated for next year. I heard
that one will be a bombshell. Remember you heard it here first.
The Bad
Club Dread (2004)
This movie is the same guys that did Super Troopers, one of the
funniest movies I have ever seen. Classic scenes, lines, and of course
gratuitous nudity. However, this film is actually a slasher film
with a couple funny lines. Lots of nudity and the same actors
from Super Troopers, with the addition of the hottie Tanja Reichart,
saves the movie from the ugly, however, not good in any fashion.
More research into these bad movies should be coming soon, however,
good candidates from the title alone would be: Spring Break Shark
Attack (2005), Nightmare Beach (Welcome to Spring Break) (1988),
Spring Break Blast (Disney's Spring Break Blast) (1995). Will let
you know more when I finish my research.
The Ugly From
Justin to Kelly (2004) Horrible. Not much else to
say. I expected spring break partying. I got song and dance
around the bamboo bar. Worst part is I kept watching it.
You know it is the low point in your life when you are watching the
movie...one sock on, half eaten burrito on a plate in front of you,
sipping on a beer and you keep having to slap your face asking
yourself, "Why are you watching this." Borrowed bit there, but
fits perfectly for this scenario.
Well that is it for now, I will keep you updated on Spring Break
movies.
As for other movies.........I mentioned I was looking forward to the
25th anniversary Stripes edition. I saw it advertised last
night......took me exactly 12 seconds to find my phone and call and
order. Should be great. TWENTY extra minutes not originally
aired. AWESOME.
That is it rugby fans...talk to you soon.
June 1, 2005 Post Memorial Day
MEMORIAL DAY
It took me long enough to write this.I
think it took me almost 2 weeks to
recover.My gratitude goes out to TC
for sharing his 3 day weekend with us down here. Seems the weekend started rather slowly for everyone.I was working at the Strip Joint both Friday
and Saturday night.I was actually there
Wed through Saturday, so it was going to be a good money weekend for me.
So TC, my host and tour guide in NYC, trained
down and
was picked up by Fokker at Union Station Train Station. They
immediately were going out.I received a
text message from him that said,
“The Eagle has landed…..bring out the beer.”I replied, “Can’t talk, titties everywhere……see you at 2 AM at
the BL.”
The night seemed to drag on for ever and by 130 AM I was
done and outside finding a cab.I
pocketed around $300 and was ready to throw back some drinks.I arrived and found a semi drunk crew of
rugby players closing down an otherwise empty Bottom Line.I found out that Fokker had dropped the
Friday night ball severely when he failed to take TC anywhere other
than
the Bottom Line.To make matters worse,
he brought his girlfriend out with him.It sucked.We all left, after
being kicked out at 3 AM, and
each
went our own ways.
The next day the guys were all heading out to Mike
Fablings
ranch for a bit of a shin dig.PAC was
celebrating the 10 year anniversary of winning the National Title and
was
having a huge drunken picnic at his house in the country.Ordinarily, this is a great time, but as my
roommate MJ pointed out, it would probably suck for an out of towner
that was
looking to pick up chicks and get wasted.
I got off work, hit the Bottom Line again and found it just
as empty as the night before (without the rugby players this time).I hit on a girl for a bit and then headed
home.I grabbed the door guy, a young
impressionable rugby player from University
of Maryland Rugby team.We got home and he quickly passed out on the
couch.I heard stirring upstairs and
found TC and MJ had made the journey back from the party (because
of the
stated reasons above) but because he had consumed a few cocktails,
crashed hard
before they could go out that night and he spent his 2nd
night in DC
just as quiet as the night before.
I assured him the next day would be much much more
fun.We awoke and headed over to Brunch at
the
Front Page.The food was good, the
service was okay, and free champagne took any aftershocks of the
hangover away
immediately.Fokker and Harry Stokes
soon arrived, as well as Patrick and we were 6 deep at the bar.Somewhere around 3 PM I started calling our Irish bartender
“Reginald” for
not other reason than it pissed him off.During the next two hours we met up with a couple guys that
worked the
door at the bar and invited them to join us for our night, which
included a
couple hours at the Strip Joint I work at, followed by a Memorial Day
weekend
party at a chick’s house we know.We
were assured there would be hundreds of cougars (chicks that are a bit
older……you know….LONG in the Tooth.)We
paid our tabs and jumped into a cab and headed to the CCR.Patrick was not happy about having to go to
the Titty bar instead of the party, which was scheduled from 4 PM til Midnight.Since it was only 5 PM, we assured him we would be there fairly
soon.He then berated cab driver about his
ethnicity and we were all sure our tab would be significant, but he
kept it
reasonable and we entered the strip joint and found a nice big table
for our
group.
The two door guys, for some reason, were wearing bowling
shirts, and I decided there cover story would be that they were on the
Pro
Bowling Tour.So we sit at the strip
joint, enjoying the friendliness of the girls I was spinning for the
night
before and eating some of the best Steak Bites ever.Of Course beer was flowing down quickly and
it is no surprise that during the next 30 minutes we came close to
being kicked
out several times.At one point a biker
chick (Memorial Day marks “Rolling Thunder” where 40,000 bikers come to
DC to
do the Memorial Day ride from the Pentagon to the Viet Nam Memorial)
comes up
to me and asks me to dance for her.I
was wearing my kilt and she found it quite arousing.So I went over and wiggled my butt for her
and she handed me a dollar.At the time,
I didn’t realize it, but the owner was watching very closely….making
sure I
didn’t do anything too stupid.I didn’t
and he remained silent.
Later however, when GNR Sweet Child O’ Mine came
on, Fokker, TC and myself ripped our shirts off in unison, but were
quickly
asked to
redress by the quite nervous manager (who was trying to get me
redressed before
the owner caught site of me…..again, I had no idea he was even in the
bar).We redressed and paid our tab and
were on our way to the bar.
One of the “Bowlers” had driven so we decided to cram 6 of
us in a Honda Civic (with sun roof).The
awkward driving situation was soon resolved when we got to the party.We entered and in deed found a packed party
with a live band playing.We each were
quiet drunk at this point, but soon found the bbq and beer and were
satisfied.I was approached by a huge
man who asked if I remembered him.Seems
when he was 17 (7 years before) I had given him a beer at his first
rugby
game.(Don’t tell anyone).Anyways, I decided to play it cool and as I
went to lean against the shed door we were standing next to, the door
slid shut
and I fell to the ground with a thud.I
saw TC’s eyes get bigger and the slight thought to try and stop me,
but he
second guessed himself and let me fall.I got up quick and decided it best I sit down on this couch that
was in
the yard.I made a couple attempts to
“hit” on this girl with drunken grunts and points, but she ignored me.Then I saw it.A
watermelon.It was under a table.I was
instantly transported to 1993 when a few of the Helena All Blues
plugged a
watermelon with Ever Clear and preceded to get absolutely shit faced.The Wasser Mulon as we called it (with thick
German Accents) was larger than this one, but I would make do.I asked the ladies (one of which was the girl
I had unsuccessfully hit on) to assist by finding me Vodka stat.She ran.I then cut the top off and started mashing the contents of the
giant
green vodka mixer.For about a half hour
I mashed…added vodka, mashed, added vodka to the point where everyone
was
eagerly anticipating the delivery of the drink to their cups.
The line started and by the time I ran out of
Wassermulon,
most people had returned with their congratulations on a good mix.During my time mixing, I made friends with
the girl and chatted a bit with her.But
as parties are parties, I ended up drifting through several more
conversations with
several more strangers.Each confused
why I was wearing a Kilt and watermelon juice splattered white polo to
a
Hawaiian party.Oh well.
Finally at one point, a girl approaches me and asks me if I
know a Patrick.I tell her I do and she
passes along a message, “Tell my friends I am spending the night in
detox and
will see them in the morning.”I soon
find out that he picked a fight with a biker at the party, who just
happened to
be an off duty cop.The Police were
called and as TC and Fokker tried to convince Patrick to leave, he
refused
and sat it out……soon to be taken away by Alexandria’s
finest.
I had introduced TC to a girl earlier in the
evening.He ended up getting her digits
and email and she left.He then moved on
and then found a hippie that seemed ready to take him home.We ended up deciding to head to DC.I could tell the girls, who lived in Maryland,
wanted to get closer to home, so I demanded that they pay for the cab.As I thought, as soon as Fokker and I left
the cab, the two girls and TC continued to Maryland.Fokker and I spent a brief amount of time
hitting several bars on M Street, one of which, The Sign of the Whale,
was fun. Fokker ran into an old Ex and I ran into 2 former Bowdon
College women rugby players. Both girls were fun promised to come
see me at the Bottom Line one of these nights. We said goodbye
and finally headed back to Alexandria.
We woke the next day, contacted TC, who
informed us he
was returning via metro from Columbia,
MD.We
told him to meet us at the Front Page and
we ended up going in around noon
and
drinking for a few hours.We then headed
over to the CCR again for burgers and some more titty action.Fokker quickly retreated from a 5th
straight day of drinking and it was TC and I, sharing our booth
with 3 or 4
of the ladies from the strip bar.My
surplus of cash from the weekend was soon given back to the girls that
had
tipped me not more than 70 hours previous, and we slowly got hammered.Turns out TC missed his train and we
ended up going back to the house to sleep off another long and drunk
weekend.Work on Tuesday sucked.TC made it home.Patrick
may still be in jail.Fokker is ready for
another 5 day drinking
binge.
Friday Update:May 20, 2005
Star Wars Star War
Star Wars.I saw it last night.Seeing the final Star Wars (Episode III) was
sorta like finding out what exactly happened at your bachelor party
after you
blacked out.You knew the result…..woke
up in a pool of your own vomit with two girls half dressed like
cheerleaders
and a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon between your butt cheeks, but how did it
happen.Episode III filled those blank
spots in…..and I have to admit, it was good to know.As we were leaving, a line had already formed
outside for people awaiting to see what happened during their blacked
out
moment and I say to my roommate:“So…..Darth Vader is Luke’s Father?”He laughed.
USA V WALES.My attention now goes from
“a long time ago…..in a galaxy far far away” to Connecticut
in June.A recent op-ed in Planet Rugby,
submitted by Baron
Hanson
from Cambridge, MA was fwd throughout
the American
Rugby world promoting the importance of the Wales v USA game to be held June 4, 2005.
He puts together a
pretty good marketing ploy to get
national sponso
